21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 121

Mary had a little drink
And got pissed as a cricket
She was found in the woods
Showing the boys her thicket

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 122

Mary loved her little lamb
Every single day of course
But most of all on Sunday
With homemade mint sauce

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 123

When I was a bachelor I lived by myself,
but people told me not to get left on the shelf
So I made up my mind and got me a wife
Too late I realised I had surrendered my life

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 124

Cock a doodle doo,
My wife has lost her shoe;
oh what a convenient confidence trick
Just so she can buy some new

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 125

Little Bobby Snooks was fond of his books,
And loved by his mother and father;
But the kind of books, read by Bobby Snooks,
were pornographic in nature

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 126

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
He must be a Liberal Democrat

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 127

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
But Humpty Dumpty couldn’t fall
Because he had to wear a safety harness

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 128

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
But so Humpty Dumpty wouldn’t fall
He was sent by the head of human resource
On a three week health and safety course

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 129

Ring-a-Ring o'Rosies
Something to wipe noses"
A-tishue? A-tishue?"
Or if not a hankie

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 130

Remember, remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
They had the right approach back then
Blow up the bloody lot

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 131

Oh, Pillykin, Willykin, Winky Wee!
How does the President take his tea?
He takes it with sugar, he takes it with milk,
He takes it in bed wearing pyjamas of silk

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 132

If all the seas were one sea,
What a great sea that would be!
But if all the seas were one sea,
There’d be nowhere for you and me

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 133

I love little pussy,
Now don’t get excited
It’s not that kind of rhyme
That I want to be recited

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 134

Come let's to bed, says Sleepy-head;
Wait a while, says Mo;
Take a blue pill and grab the KY
And we’ll tup before we go.

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 135

Corporal TimWas dressed so trim,
He thought them all afraid of him;
But sad to say,The very first day,
We had a fight,He died alright,
For lack of equipment, poor Corporal Tim

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 136

Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat
I can’t wait till Christmas to eat some of that
Coz I’m on the Atkins diet and that’s a fact
I just hope that I don’t have a heart attack

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 138

Sing a song of Sixth Sense
Haley Joel Osment wonders why
He’s followed every where
By that Bruce Willis guy

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 137

Jack and Jill went up the hill
With there supply of bottled water
What is it with these bloody ramblers?

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 139

Polly put the kettle on,
Polly put the kettle on,
Polly put the kettle on,
We'll all have tea.
Sukey take it off again,
Sukey take it off again,
Sukey take it off again,
Stop pissing about Sukey

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 140

Ring-a-Ring o'Rosies
Oh I hate runny noses
A tissue! A tissue!
No don’t wipe it on your sleeve!

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 141

Curly Locks! Curly locks! Wilt thou be mine?
You’ll have to wash the dishes coz I’m a lazy swine
But I’ll lay you on a cushion and hold you in esteem
And I’ll make love too you until I make you scream

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 142

One misty, moisty, morning,
When rainy was the weather,
There I met a young man
All clothed in leather
All clothed in leather,
Fitted as tight as his skin
How do you wear it?
How do you move in it?
And what is that squeaking?

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 143

Robin Hood, Robin Hood,
Living in the green wood
With his merry band
And their stolen contraband

They feast and they dine
On stolen food and wine
Then the laughing starts
When Little John farts

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 144

Robin Hood, Robin Hood,
Living in the green wood
With his merry band
And their stolen contraband

Maid Marion comes no more
To the camp of the out laws
Since she saw the merry band
Skipping around holding hands

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 145

See a pin, pick it up,
And all day long you'll have good luck.
See a pin, pick it up,
And all day long you'll have a pin

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 146

See a pin, pick it up
Then you're sure to have good luck,
See a pin, prick yourself
And end up with hepatitis

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 147

See a pin, pick it up,
And all day long you'll have good luck.
See a pin let it lay,
And you wont be lumbered with a pin all day