NEWLANDS CORNER

Newlands Corner
Is one of my most favourite places
I’ve always loved it there
When I look out across the patchwork
Of rolling Surrey Hills,
The chalk grasslands
The ancient woodlands
And the villages nestling there
I feel a deep calm and peace
Penetrating my soul
It’s almost overwhelming
Like the weight of the world
Is lifted from my shoulders
It as if His hand on my shoulder

A Little Philosophy

SHAMELESS

There appears to be no shame
In our modern society
This is true for all walks of life
But in particular celebrities
Because what was once shame
Is now just called publicity

LASTING IMPRESSIONS

Those with personality
Find it can open doors for them
But what they need is character
To keep the doors open

DON’T CRY

Don’t cry because the love affair is over
Wipe those tears from your face
And allow yourself to smile because
It happened in the first place

IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED

If at first you don’t succeed
Don’t let it cause you distress
And if you still fail to succeed
You must redefine success

HAM AND EGGS

Good morning whats for breakfast?
Can I have eggs and ham please?
That’s a nice simple breakfast
That can be prepared with ease
Well not as simple as you may think
Oh its but a days work for the hen
But for the poor old pig
It’s a lifetime of commitment

NEVER A BORROWER NOR A LENDER BE

Never a borrower nor a lender be
That is my simple philosophy
But if the need you can’t resist
Borrow money from a pessimist
A positive attitude they sadly lack
So they don’t really expect it back

GETTING ON IN YOUR CAREER

After many years I am forced to conclude
It will almost certainly be your attitude
In the work place and not your aptitude
That will determine your ultimate altitude

A Little Humour

THE MIRACLE OF FLIGHT

It has been said that the miracle of aviation
Is that the aeroplane is nothing more in interpretation
Than 50000 components flying in close formation
And hopefully all bound for the same destination

THE CANDY MAN

He has had a very sweet tooth all of his life
He even found himself a rather sweet wife
He’d eat cream cakes and all kinds of sweeties
Now he has high cholesterol and type 2 diabetes

CAR SCRAP-AGE

I’m very disappointed with the government
And their much heralded car scrap-age scheme
I took my “old banger” along with me to the garage
But my wife wasn’t what they had in mind it seems

BOILER REPLACEMENT SCHEME

I’m very disappointed with the government
And their gas boiler replacement scheme
I called the Gas Company about my “old boiler”
But my wife wasn’t what they had in mind it seems

AGEING POPULATION

In the future, maybe forty years or so
The nursing homes will just overflow
With sweet little silver haired old biddies
Doting on their numerous little grand kiddies
As they sit peering thru bifocal glasses
With faded tattoos on their wrinkled arses

THE BEAR STARE

I have a photograph
Of a magnificent Polar Bear
It was taken at one of those sea life places
The polar bear is underwater
Looking through the glass
At an inquisitive little boy
Whose face was pressed up against the glass
And you can see in the Polar Bears
Intelligent soulful eyes
As it looks at the inquisitive little boy
That he is thinking to himself
“If I could just get through this glass
I would eat you as a snack”

DYING OF THE LIGHT

On the table
The candle sputters
Flame flickers
Almost guttering
But does not die

At the table
A heart yearns
Tears form
As hope fades
She cries inside
At the table
A rhetorically thought
He’s not coming
How cruel
She dies inside

At home
Her heart aches
Her spirit breaks
She drains the glass
And she dies

IF I HAD NOT LET YOU GO

If I had not let you go
What would we be now?
The perfect couple?
Mr and Mrs Right?
Or sad reflections of ourselves

If I had not seen
That we were not right together
We would now be
Bitter and resentful
Fighting like old dogs
Scratching at each others wounds

Love made us blind
Your love for me was deeper
And so you were blinder
So it hurt you more
When I let you go

I was right to let you go
I didn’t want to hurt you
Though I know I did
But I would have hurt you more
And I would not have regretted it
If I had stayed

If I had not let you go
I would have broken you
Broken your spirit
As well as your heart
You would not now know
Loves true face
So I can tolerate your hate
To know you are truly happy

LUST CONQUERS ALL

I love it when mouth meets mouth
And tongue engages tongue
Then the moment tender embrace
Gives way to urgent caress
When hands fumble their way
Into uncooperative clothing
In their wanton eagerness
To reach the yielding flesh beneath
Where fingers probe and hands grope
And passions flame ignites
I love to hear her rasp and gasp
And feel her nails dig into my flesh
To hear that stifled scream
And watch as she bites her lip
As climax carries her away
I love the feeling of closeness
As she lies in my arms
Basking in passions afterglow
Silent in our smug satisfaction
I feel her tender lips kiss my chest
And hear her contented sigh
I would like to know her name
But she is just another conquest

WHO KILLED THE PINBALL WIZARD?

The Pinball wizard is dead
That deaf dumb and blind kid
Was shot dead by a stranger
It was such a senseless murder