21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 424

 

Oranges and Lemons

Say the bells of St. Clement's?

No, they really don’t

You are delusional

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 423

 

Old Mother Hubbard

Went to the cupboard

To fetch her poor dog a bone

But there was none

As she didn’t have a dog

And was living in a home

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 422

 

Mary Mary quite contrary

Why isn’t that a surprise?

She’s contradicted me again

And made me roll my eyes

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 421

 

Mary had a little lamp

Its beam was all aglow

It led the way to the abattoir

Where the sheep had to go

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 420

 

Mary had a little lamb

Which she named Teagan

And it would live free

Because Mary was a Vegan

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 419

 

Mary had a little lamb

And she loved that lamb a bunch

But she wasn’t sentimental

So, they ate it for Sunday lunch

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 418

 

Jack and Jill

Went to the clinic

Because they were

Both quite unhygienic

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 417

 

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

As he was horny

And she took the pill

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 416

 

Jack and Jill

Went up the hillock

He proposed then she

Called him a pillock

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 415

 

Itsy bitsy spider

Climbed up the water spout

Arriving in the shower

As she was getting out

And that was when

She began to scream or shout

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 414

 

Doctor Foster

Went to Gloucester

But he blamed

His cars sat nav

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 413

 

Doctor Foster

Went to Gloucester

But the police followed

As he was an imposter

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 412

Tuesday’s child isn’t full of grace

Because she and her friend Trace

Are full of cheap cider and ale

And will end up in A&E without fail

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 411

 

Tuesday’s child

Is full of grace

Except when she’s

Totally off her face

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 410

 

Little Jack Horner

Sat in the corner

Because he was

An antisocial fella

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 409

 

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry

The power he liked to relish and savour

He now knows was inappropriate behaviour

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 408

 

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry

But that was in the nineteen seventies

And now interests Operation Yewtree

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 407

 

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry

But now his foot is in the other shoe

And he has been embroiled in “me too”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 406

Wee Willie Winkie ran through the town

Upstairs and downstairs in his night-gown

Wee Willie Winkie wasn’t his real name

It was just a very cold night for that game 

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 405

 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

But no one could be bothered

To put him back together again