WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?

The years are passing me by
And another relationship has failed
What is wrong with me?
Why has this love affair derailed?

Why can I not hold onto love?
What kind of signal do I transmit?
What makes me so difficult to love?
I cannot put my finger on it

So I must move onto pastures new
Looking for the most elusive pray
Wishing for better luck this time around
And that I will strike gold one day

Surely it is not too much to ask
That my love be returned in kind
I won’t give up the search
I’ll keep looking and see what I find

I just have to keep believing
Keep the faith and I will soon see
The next one that I can love
And hope that they will love me

ONE WAY TRAFFIC

Why is it that when I think about you
I find my self inanely grinning
Yet I get nothing back from you
That would get my giddy head spinning

I can’t go on getting nothing back
I have wasted too much time on you
I need to feel your love, but I don’t
So breaking up is the only thing to do

Breaking up is hard to do, so says the song
But that doesn’t apply in this case
For when I tell that our affair is over
No hint of emotion shows on your face

I should perhaps have realised
Your heart was not there for the winning
But blinded by my love I didn’t notice
You were indifferent from the beginning

UNEQUAL PARTNERS

Why do you hold back?
Why can’t you go all the way?
“I love you” those are the words
That I want to hear you say

Don’t be half hearted
I need you one hundred percent
I don’t want you to be unsure
I want you to be content

You have to be sure
Content as I am in my choice
But you are not are you?
I can hear it in your voice

You don’t feel the same as I
I don’t make your pulse race
Or your heart skip a beat
I’m right; I can see it on your face

Love isn’t a one-way street
It has to flow both ways
But it isn’t flowing to me
Not even on the best of days

Then it’s over and done
I won’t have half measures
It has to be all or nothing
Not just the pleasures

I need to be “the one”
I won’t be your second best
I won’t invest my love
With no prospect of interest

It’s sad when love ends
And a couple have to part
But I only feel regret
That I never reached your heart

YOU HAD ME LOVING YOU

You had me loving you from day one
And I had you loving me when it begun
But somewhere along the way
Your cheating heart decided to stray
You had me loving you totally
And I thought I had you loving me
But now your heart resides elsewhere
And you have left me in utter despair
You are still the one that I adore
But you don’t love me anymore
You still have me loving you totally
But I no longer have you loving me

THERE IS A GHOST IN MY HOUSE

There is a ghost in my house
That haunts my every waking moment
And infiltrates my dreams
A ghost that taunts and torments
The ghost in my house is you
I am haunted by the memory of you
It is the ghost of our lost love
And I am tormented because I let you go

DYING OF THE LIGHT

On the table
The candle sputters
Flame flickers
Almost guttering
But does not die

At the table
A heart yearns
Tears form
As hope fades
She cries inside
At the table
A rhetorically thought
He’s not coming
How cruel
She dies inside

At home
Her heart aches
Her spirit breaks
She drains the glass
And she dies

IF I HAD NOT LET YOU GO

If I had not let you go
What would we be now?
The perfect couple?
Mr and Mrs Right?
Or sad reflections of ourselves

If I had not seen
That we were not right together
We would now be
Bitter and resentful
Fighting like old dogs
Scratching at each others wounds

Love made us blind
Your love for me was deeper
And so you were blinder
So it hurt you more
When I let you go

I was right to let you go
I didn’t want to hurt you
Though I know I did
But I would have hurt you more
And I would not have regretted it
If I had stayed

If I had not let you go
I would have broken you
Broken your spirit
As well as your heart
You would not now know
Loves true face
So I can tolerate your hate
To know you are truly happy

THAT DECEITFUL MOUTH

Don’t speak to me with that mouth
That deceitful mouth
Which lies while smiling to my face

Don’t speak through your weak mouth
Too weak to resist temptation
Whose lips kiss in unforgivable betrayal

Don’t speak to me with that mouth
That has embraced another
A mouth full of cheapened kisses

Don’t speak through your weak mouth
Don’t dare to seek to justify
Your unjustifiable infidelities

Don’t speak through that odious mouth
That unspeakable dishonest mouth
Your unclean vessel of elicit fellatio

Don’t with those unfaithful lips
Whose kisses caressed anothers skin
Speak my name in terms of love

Don’t say sorry with that mouth
Don’t contaminate my ears
With platitudes and insincerity

Speak to me with that insidious mouth
That foul and deceitful mouth
Only to utter a final goodbye

CHRISTMAS FOLLY

Merriment abounds
And music fills the air
And in the cosy room
I’d hoped to see you there

Friends and loved ones
Surround me, old and new
I wished that one of them
Might have been you

Outside its cold
On this Christmas Eve
When the party's over
I won’t want to leave

But I will head home
Trudging through the snow
And in my loneliness
I’ll wonder how I let you go

TIME IS A GREAT HEALER

Time is a great healer
That’s what they said
That’s what they told me
After you were dead
Banal words of wisdom
And benevolent attitudes
Empty words and gestures
And worthless platitudes
Only one thing
Can ever take the pain away
And you’re not coming back
No matter how hard I pray
I just wish with all my heart
We could have gone together
And I would not feel so lonely
And I’d be with you forever

SLEEP ON IT

Last night I was sad
Last night I was mad
Last night I hated you
Last night I berated you
Last night I was crying
Last night I was dying
Last night I was unforgiving
Last night I was tired of living

This morning I’m glad
Glad for what we once had
This morning I have regret for you
This morning I want to forget you
This morning the tears I cried
Have long since dried
This morning I am forgiving
This morning I am for living

THE JUDAS KISS

You said you had to go away,
Just a day or two
A business trip
Something you had to do

But I knew better
I knew that you were leaving
I found out
About the cheating and deceiving

I wait for the truth to come
But you just keep lying
You’re leaving me
And inside I’m dying

But you won’t see me cry
I just smile instead
I won’t let you see me
I will do that in my empty bed

You kiss me on the cheek
And look me in the eye
And with that Judas kiss
You turn and say goodbye

I HAD FORGOTTEN HER

lI had forgotten her
I had forgotten
The way she looked
With her bright elfin face
And brown soulful eyes
I had forgotten
The sound of her voice
With its sweet honeyed tones
And her infectious laughter
It had been hard
But I had forgotten her
I had forgotten
The smell of her hair
The taste of her lips
The touch of her skin
I had forgotten her
She was off my radar
My senses were free of her
Free of her intoxication
Free of her narcotic
It had taken months
Going cold turkey
To cleanse myself
To detox
To shake her from my consciousness
And exorcise her from my soul
I changed jobs
Decorated the house
Rid myself of everything that reminded me of her
And I was free
My life was once more on an even keel
The stormy seas had been quelled
All was calm and safe
Such comfort there is in safe
The wounds had healed
Though the scars remained
I had peace of mind
Since I had forgotten her
Well I had forgotten her
Until that fateful day
When I found it
Down the side of the sofa
A small pearl button
Such an innocuous item
Evoked such potent memories
Of a violet lamb’s wool sweater
That accentuated her breasts so well
The button was a casualty of an encounter
Discarded in our passionate haste
And in that instance of recognition
She was all at once back with me
My senses reawakened
Her scent was in my nostrils
I could feel her lips on mine
Her caress on my cheek
I could hear her infectious chuckle
And I saw her sitting beside me
Close enough to touch
And as the wounds reopened
I realised I had not forgotten her
I had just shut down
Disabled my interface with the world
Hid in my castle and pulled up the draw bridge
And created my own world within
I held the button in my fingers
As my castle walls fell
And the world flooded in
That little pearl button
Spoke to me in volumes
And I knew I loved her still

DIFFERENT STROKES

lWe are poles apart
You are north to my south
We are different ends of the solar system
You are Mercury I am Pluto
We are contradictory
You are black to my white
We are from different ends of the earth
We inhabit different hemispheres
You are up and I am down
We should be knife and fork
Brush and paint
Cup and saucer
Pepper and salt
But we are not
How did we become man and wife?

ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER

lAbsence makes the heart grow fonder
Is that really true I wonder
Does it work without fail
Or is it just an old wives tale
I’m not sure the advice is the best
And I’m fearful to put it to the test
For if I were to go away
For a month, a week, a day
I fear I wouldn’t miss you and pine
But would think our separation fine

SNAPSHOT

I held her picture
Posed for posterity
A picture of a young girl
In a summer dress
A “hand me down”
Pattern faded
With fraying hem
A pretty young woman
Face of innocence
Framed by brown tousled hair
Naïve and unaffected
Unsure of her beauty
And more beautiful
Because of it
Such a wonderful snapshot
Of a perfect moment
So long ago
I fell in love with her that day
My heart melted
Like the snow in spring
I love her still
And every day in between
Tears welled in my eyes
As I looked at that picture
Of naïve beauty
And they fell unchecked
As I remembered
The woman she became
And the love we shared
Until she was taken from me

RAINY SUNDAY

lIt’s a rainy Sunday
And I’m feeling blue
Remembering the past
And thinking of you

Do you happily look back?
Across the years
Or do you view them
Through bitter tears

Do you ever think of me?
Just once in a while
With a furrowed brow
Or rueful smile

You thought our love
Would last an eternity
But I was quite happy
Just to wait and see

I just wanted us
To enjoy the laughter
But what you wanted
Was happy ever after

I loved you so much more
Than I would ever say
When we broke up
On that rainy Sunday

When you asked me
I should have said
“I really do love you”
I just shrugged instead

I wish I could go back
To that rainy Sunday
I would get on my knees
And beg you to stay

THE SEASONS OF LOVE

Our love was born with the lambs
In the freshness of spring
And like the lambs we stepped unsure
Uncertain of what life would bring

When spring turned to summer
We had caught cupid’s eye
Our hearts danced like flowers in the breeze
As he shot his arrows at you and I

When summer waned into autumn
Love changed colour like the leaves
Life draining away dying leaf by leaf
And began to drift away on the breeze

When autumn gave way to winter
Love lay bleeding in the snow
Each flake of snow buried it deeper
Nothing of our love was left to show

BLUE TO GREY

Where once the sky was blue
Now are only clouds of grey
Where once the golden sun shone
Now darkness fills the day

Where once we walked together
Now I must walk alone
Where once was warmth
Now is cold like stone

Somewhere beyond the clouds
Does blue still fills your sky
And does the golden sunshine
Make you shield your eyes

Do you walk the path alone?
Or is there another at your side
Is your life still full of warmth?
Or does coldness with you abide

One day I hope you will return
To make my grey sky blue
And to warm me with your sunshine
So I can walk loves path with you

BUT THAT WAS BEFORE LOVE DIED

We walked together in the spring
When our love was a new thing
And the cherry trees were in blossom
And we thought life was awesome
Our hearts were so full we sighed
But that was before love died

In the summer we walked together
In the fine and sunny weather
Through fields of golden corn
When we parted we were forlorn
We felt a burning passion deep inside
But that was before love died

In the autumn we walked abroad
And our hearts were of one accord
We wandered thought the golden gown
And nothing could ever get us down
We felt as one when side by side
But that was before love died

When winters chill fell upon the land
We still walked together hand in hand
We played in the snow like children
Making snow angels again and again
I even asked her to be my bride
But that was before love died

We had walked hand in hand
As a life together we planned
We sat beneath a leafy oak
As of true love we spoke
We loved laughed and cried
But that was before love died

Now I walk alone in the familiar places
Where we enjoyed our fond embraces
Where we kissed and spoke of tomorrow
Places that now bring me only sorrow
Her love made me feel alive inside
But that was before love died