A VOYAGE ROUND MY FATHER (9)
Dad said “I’m going to Thailand
To an island called Phuket”
I replied to him "That will be nice,
But you don’t say it like that”
PANAMA HATS
Regarding which country makes
Panama hats, I was seriously misled
It turns out they’re not Panamanian
And are made in Ecuador instead
FIRST GRADE CADDY
His five-year-old nephew wanted
To caddy for him on his Golf round
“You have to count my strokes,
So, your counting has to be sound”
The Uncle explained, then asked
“How much is six, plus nine?”
“Five,” answered the nephew.
The Uncle said, “Ok that’s fine”
BE MY VALENTINE # 2
On Valentine’s Day
The chocolate syrup said to the ice cream
“I'm sweet on you!”
While the pencil said to the paper
“I dot my i's on you!”
And the light bulb asked his girlfriend
Do I mean a whole watt to you?”
COULD JESUS HAVE BEEN JEWISH?
Could Jesus have been Jewish?
It is the most likely eventuality
As He Did go into His Father's business
He lived at home until he was 33
He was sure his Mother was a virgin
And she was sure He was God, so maybe
PROVERBIAL PROVERBS # 2
The old saying goes that “A volunteer
Is worth Ten pressed men”
Well volunteers are all well and good
But a pressed man are really good
At getting through narrow gaps
MARITAL HONESTY
“It's just too hot to wear clothes today so I
Think I’ll cut the lawn naked, honey?”
She replied “Ok, if you don’t mind the neighbours
Thinking I married you for your money”
ROSES ARE FLOWERS
Roses are flowers
Violets are flowers
You’re allergic to flowers
Ooops my bad
NICKNAMED SNOW PLOUGH
When my brother was a young man
He had a well earned nickname
They called him the “snow plough”
Because of his appetite for cocaine
PEACHES SAID TO BIMBETTE
Peaches said to Bimbette
“I’ve slept with a Brazilian”
“OMG Peachy” she retorted
“How many is a Brazilian?”
MY WIFE IS A BAKER OF BREAD
My wife is a Baker of bread
And rolls both plain and seedy
She is a very difficult woman
And I find her to be very kneady
TEMPLE WALLS ARE STRAIGHT AND TALL
Temple walls are straight and tall
But my body is not like a temple at all
I have curves and am short in stature
I'm more like a disused rollercoaster
