A Little Bit Of Humour # 28

TRAFFIC COP – DON’T BE TOO FUNNY

Sometimes you can talk
Your way out of a ticket
A little bit of charm
Is probably the safest bet
Humour can work as well
So say to the men in blue
“You don’t need to check
In the boot do you?”

MY DAD DOESN’T GO TO THE GYM # 2

My Dad doesn’t go to the gym
And he hasn’t yet come unstuck
As he gets all the exercise he needs
Entirely by pushing my luck

I’VE GOT AN AD IN THE LONELY HEARTS

I’ve got an ad in the “lonely hearts”
“Wife wanted” is how it starts
I’ve had loads of replies, which is fine
But they all say “You can have mine”

MY BROTHER SAYS HIS WIFE IS AN ANGEL

My brother says his wife is an angel
He is deliriously happy with things
I think he’s lucky as I can’t wait
To have mine fitted for her wings

THE SECRET TO A HAPPY CONTENTED LIFE

The secret to a happy contented life
Should you ever decide, to take a wife
Whenever you are wrong, admit it
Whenever you are right just shut it

REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS CAN BE TRICKY

Remembering birthdays can be tricky
And forgetting can leave the wicket sticky
The best way to remember an important date
Is to forget it - but just the one time mate

ELECTRONIC BANKING # 1

Electronic banking
Is a wonderful thing
Lightning fast transfers
In the modern age

Though not the fastest
By any shape or means
Nothing transfers funds
Faster than marriage

TWO SIDES OF THE SAME TUPPENCE

My wife and I are like
Two sides of the same tuppence
We can’t face each other
So I guess we got our comeuppance

FORGIVENESS IS THE FORMULA

Forgiveness is the formula
For a marriage happy and long
So my wife always forgives me
Especially when she's wrong

IN ORDER TO DO GREAT THINGS

In order to do great things
A woman must inspire him
While simultaneously
Preventing his achieving them

TRAFFIC COP – SOMETHING IN COMMON

Sometimes you can talk
Your way out of a ticket
A little bit of charm
Is probably the safest bet
Humour can work as well
But don’t say to the men in blue
“Well in order to catch me
You must have been speeding too”

ARE YOU WEARING VESTMENTS?

Are you wearing vestments?
Oh reverend Katie
You know they should
Be hanging in the vestry
When the service is over
That’s where they should be
But for my birthday treat
You’ve kept it on for me
And now I get to unwrap
The reverend Katie