A Little Bit Of Humour # 27

MY DAD DOESN’T GO TO THE GYM # 1

My Dad doesn’t go to the gym
He has no need of their facilities
As he gets all the exercise he needs
Just by dodging his responsibilities

TRAFFIC COP – I’M SORRY

“I’m sorry” the Officer said
“That I have to give you a ticket sir”
“I’m sorry too” I said “That I forgot
To plug in my radar detector”

ARE YOU WEARING WORN OUT DRAWERS?

Are you wearing worn out drawers?
Well I think it’s something certain
You may put on a very good show
But your riches have gone for a burton
And despite every outwardly sign
It’s a case of “all kippers and curtains”

HOW MANY YEARS BAD LUCK

How many years bad luck
Would upon you fall?
If you were clumsy enough
To break a mirror ball

IF IT TASTES LIKE BUTTER

If it tastes like butter
In your sandwich
And you can spread it
Straight from the fridge
Then you’ve probably
Had a power outage

ONE JUMP OR TWO

The only difference between
Parachuting and prostitution
Are the number of jump’s
Required for qualification

MY BEST FRIEND STOLE MY WIFE

My best friend stole my wife
But I decided not to get bitter
And got my revenge on him
Because I let him keep her

COMMUNICATION IS VERY IMPORTANT

Communication is very important
Especially conversationally
So I have a few words for her
And she has paragraphs for me

THE SECRET TO A LONG HAPPY MARRIAGE

The secret to a long happy marriage
Is soft music and candlelight dinners
As long as you don’t go together
And then you’ll both be winners

I WEEP AT THE TERRIBLE

I weep at the terrible
Bad luck in my life
For example
My first wife
She left me
After a few years
My second one has stayed,
Hence the tears

MY DEAREST WIFE AND I WERE HAPPY

My dearest wife and I were
Happy for twenty years
Unfortunately we met then
And life was suddenly full of tears

TRAFFIC COP – CONDITIONAL

Sometimes you can talk
Your way out of a ticket
A little bit of charm
Is probably the safest bet
Humour can work as well
But just don’t overdo it
By asking “I thought cops
Had to be reasonably fit”

ARE YOU WEARING A CASSOCK?

Are you wearing a cassock?
As you kneel on a hassock
I wonder what it’s concealing
As you’re reverently kneeling
One day I might get to see
As you change in the vestry