SEND FOR THE UNDERTAKER
Oh God I feel so old
Just send for the undertaker
I’ve started making the same noises
As my coffee maker
SHOPPING ENCOUNTER
Their eyes met at the supermarket
She clearly recognized him
But he was drawing a blank
So a smile was exchanged between them
She decided to break the ice
And pleasantly, said "Hello!"
She obviously knew him
She was a stranger to him though
So he asked, "Do you know me?
You do look familiar” he lied
"I think you're the father
Of one of my kids." She replied,
“Are you the drunken cheerleader?
I shagged under the bleachers’”
She gave him a look and said
“No, I'm one of your son's teachers"
BIG BONED
No you don’t have “big bones”
That belief is mere folly
Let’s face it you’re just fat
It’s a shame you’re not jolly
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SICK
You have just been sick
And not just a bit
So stop pretending
And spare me the wit
It isn’t just a hiccup
With some pizza in it
BLOODY MINDEDNESS # 1
I stay in the relationship
Even though it’s crappy
Because with someone else
She might turn out to be happy
BLOODY MINDEDNESS # 2
I stay in the relationship
Even though it’s not right
At the end of the day
I stay with her out of spite
PRISONERS ARE SUCH A NUISANCE
Prisoners are such a nuisance
When they are justly contained
Because of human rights
We can’t keep them restrained
And it’s so labour intensive
To keep them all entertained
WORKING IN A SWEAT SHOP
Working in a sweat shop
Is, dawn to dusk, sew-sew
Conditions are appalling
And never thought so-so
I DON’T GO ON TWITTER
I don’t go on Twitter
To follow celebrity chatter
I find them contemptible
They should rename it Twatter
CHICK, CHICK, CHICK, CHICK, CHICKEN.
Chick, chick, chick, chick, chicken,
Lay a little egg for me.
Chick, chick, chick, chick, chicken,
I want one for my tea
And this time if I don’t get one.
You’ll be dead by half past three.
So, chick, chick, chick, chicken,
They’ll be chicken for my tea
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