Relationships # 2

MOTHER OF TWO

George is a married man
Who is content with his lot
But he calls his wife “mother of two”
Which she likes not a jot

One day at a house party
He said as the partying was done
“Come along then “mother of two””
She replied “ok father of one”

MARRIAGE DEAL

Marriage is like a pack of cards
In the beginning to make the grade
You need two hearts and a diamond
By the end you want a club and a spade

LEFT A BIT, RIGHT A BIT

She said to me last night
“Left a bit, Right a bit,
Forward, now back,
Up a bit, down a bit”
With the relentless instructions
She was barking
I snapped “for God’s sake
Are we having sex or parking?”

DARLING, DO I PLEASE YOU IN BED?

A wife asked her husband
“Darling, do I please you in bed?”
“Yes, especially when you do that thing
With your mouth” he said
“Do you mean oral sex?
You know that makes me feel cheap”
“No I mean the thing where
You shut up and go to sleep”

JANE AND I

“I’ve been to Wales with Jane”
I was told by my friend
“Then tomorrow Jane and I
Are going to Lands End”
“And I will probably take Jane
To London at the weekend”
I didn’t like to shatter his illusions
But I had to in the end
“Jane is the voice on your SatNav
She’s not a proper girlfriend”