ASK A STUPID QUESTION # 1

 

As I came out of the chippy

With two steak and kidney pies

Large chips and mushy peas,

An old wino, with sad eyes

Said “I haven’t eaten for two days”

Pausing I looked to the skies

Then I replied “I wish that I

Had will power like you guys”

KFC FAT CONTENT

An obese girl served me today

When I went in to KFC

She said “sorry about the wait.”

All smiley and friendly

I replied “don't worry dear,

You might lose it eventually”

An obese girl served me today

When I went in to KFC

She said “sorry about the wait.”

All smiley and friendly

I replied “don't worry dear,

You might lose it eventually”

THE GIFT THAT JUST KEEPS GIVING

Doctors have found a type of food

Which leaves an ache

And causes grief and suffering

Years after we partake

It has now been identified

As wedding cake

EMOTIONAL WEDDING

I was with my wife,

At a family wedding do

And I said unsolicited

“I really love you"

“Is that the beer talking?”

She said “or you dear?”

I replied: “It was me

Talking to the beer”

NEW ABODE

 

At the weekend a friend of mine

Moved into a new house

And not wanting to visit

Empty handed I used a bit of nouse

And bought her a gift

I knew that she couldn’t resent

A couple of small radiators

As a little housewarming present

I CAN’T BELIEVE THE SIZE OF MY WATER BILL

 

I can’t believe the size of my water bill

It’s really getting me down

According to Oxfam for £3 a month

I can supply a whole town

UNDERNEATH THE SPREADING CHESTNUT TREE

 

Two old, retired generals

In the autumn of their years

One was a French Hussar

The other of the Grenadiers

 

One spoke of conquering Spain

The other one of India

One of conquering the hun

The Frenchman of Canada

 

The two men argued for hours

People thought them bonkers

But it was quite innocent

They were just playing conquers