Thanksgiving Gags

Thanksgiving Gags
WHY DID THE TURKEY CROSS THE ROAD? # 2

Why did the turkey cross the road?
There was a very simple reason
It was due to a lack of options for a Turkey
During the Thanksgiving season

WHY DID THE TURKEY CROSS THE ROAD? # 3

Why did the turkey cross the road?
Well contrary to the fable
It was to avoid ending up
On the Thanksgiving table

IF ONLY YOUR LEFT LEG WAS THANKSGIVING

If only your left leg was Thanksgiving
And your right leg was Christmas day
Then I could devote all of my time
To visiting you between the holidays

AT THANKSGIVING TIME

At thanksgiving time
Turkeys, will like as not
Do the thanksgiving dance
Known as the turkey trot

This Sporting Life

BACK IN 1966

Back in 1966
When I was just a boy
I was full of pride
Watching Nobby’s jig of joy
And when Bobby Moore
Was raised shoulder high
Holding the World Cup
We all began to cry

I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I COME

I am proud to say that I come
From a mixed race family
My mum was a sprinter
And dad did cross country

RED SOX

For a Bostonian
At his pleasure
Has a particular calling
When at his leisure

And that’s at Fenway Park
Where he spends the day
With kindred spirits watching
The Red Sox play

BLACK SOX

In the 1919 World Series
The Black Sox scandal took place
When the Chicago White Sox
Much to their disgrace
Threw the series
To the Reds of Cincinnati
An event of epic proportions
That will for ever live in infamy

The Family Way

The Family Way
SIGHTS, SOUNDS, SMELLS, TASTE AND TOUCH # 1

Sights, sounds, smells, taste and touch
It’s funny the things that cause the memories to awake
When all of a sudden memories of Mum flood back
It’s Abide with me and Date and Walnut cake

WHEREVER MY FATHER IS RIGHT NOW # 1

Wherever my father is right now
I’m sure he’s looking down
But assuredly He is not dead
He’s just on the roof stealing lead

SIGHTS, SOUNDS, SMELLS, TASTE AND TOUCH # 2

Sights, sounds, smells, taste and touch
It’s funny the things that cause the memories to awake
When all of a sudden memories of Dad flood back
It’s Pipe tobacco, Geraniums and Madeira Cake

THE LONG WAIT

My Dad had cancer
And from the moment
He had to succumb
It was thirteen years
Before heart failure
Was to take my mum
She was so unhappy,
Partly because
His passing left her numb,
But not only that,
She was angry because
She was the lonely one
He wasn’t supposed
To go first, he was supposed
To mourn mum
So at her funeral
I smiled to myself
Even though I was glum
Thinking about them
Reuniting and the bollocking
That was to come

SIGHTS, SOUNDS, SMELLS, TASTE AND TOUCH # 3

Sights, sounds, smells, taste and touch
It’s funny the things that cause the memories to arise
When all of a sudden memories of my Brother flood back
It’s Barry White, Wine gums and Apple Pies

WHEREVER MY FATHER IS RIGHT NOW # 2

Wherever my father is right now
I’m sure he’s looking down
He’s definitely not dead yet
He’s just a condescending git

Tales of Love # 10

Tales of Love # 10

I FINALLY FOUND THE ONE

I finally found the one
The one for whom I’d yearned
And everything was going well
Until my fortunes turned
When the joy became sorrow
And I suddenly got burned

RED ROSES

Red roses
For my true love
Each stem symbolic
One for each year
Each unopened bud
A year yet to come

RED SUNSET

The red sunset is for lovers
Who sigh with lovesick bliss
And in the glow of a blood red sky
The lovers stand and kiss

HOW COULD SHE BE REAL?

Is she not a mirage?
Born in my arid heart
To confuse my senses
Conjured from my dreams
To give false hope
This wild imagining
Is so cruelly meant
For someone so unworthy
How could she be real?

I FELL FOR YOU

I fell for you
Like a stone
And I am in heaven
I’m walking on air
As I imagine
Your arms around me
And If you fall for me
You’ll leave me breathless

UNHINGED, UNLOCKED

Unhinged, unlocked
Old wounds reopened
A love turned to hate
The passion and desire
Now for revenge

TOWARDS YOU MY LOVE

Towards you my love
My heart conveys me
Drawn towards your beauty
And your healing heart
The cherished moments
Of your tender embrace
Sustain me on my journey
Towards your open arms

YOUR KISS UPON MY MOUTH

Your kiss upon my mouth
Your breath against my skin
Your almost palpable touch on my heart

A PASSIONATE DESIRE

A passionate desire,
Made manifest
First in a perfect kiss
Then in a carnal embrace
Entwined with you
In an act of bliss
My love for you
Made complete

SOME PEOPLE SEEK

Some people seek
A maelstrom
Or a whirlwind
A breathless passion
Of eternal desire
But for me
I just need to be loved

A KEEP-SAKE

A keep-sake
That speaks of love
A handkerchief
Bearing a lipstick kiss
A rose dried and pressed
Within a weighty tome
A missive couched
In terms of love
Or a photograph
Kept beside your heart

THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE

Sending signals
And reading
The replies
A look or gesture
That holds a message
To be relayed
Is as ancient
As hieroglyphs
And as difficult
To translate

Tales of Love # 9

Tales of Love # 9
THE COMPASS OF MY HEART

The compass of my heart
Points for all its worth
With unwavering certainty
To the true polar north

It is not easily diverted
Or drawn to any latitude
But remains unerringly
On its northern longitude

IN HER DEEP BLUE EYES

In her deep blue eyes
Blue like the ocean deep
I looked for my reflection
But I couldn’t see it
Then all at once it hit me
Washing over me
Like a tidal wave
And I was left breathless,
Drowning in a sea of love
Then your arms were around me
And we made love
In the breaking waves

RED DRESS

I find that I have to confess
Though she lacks finesse
And her hair is a complete mess
I feel I can no longer suppress
The feelings I want to express
For the girl in the Red Dress

YOU WERE MY ONE AND ONLY # 2

You were my one and only
You were the sun in my sky
Now light has been banished
And I must in the darkness cry

HAIR OF BLACK

Hair of black
Falls untamed
Over ivory skin
Stark in contrast
Like a ravens wing
Against an alabaster sky

YOU TOOK ME FROM A SEA OF COLD

You took me from a sea of cold
You breathed life into me
Brought me back from the dead
Gave wings to my soul
And put music into my heart

I LIVED IN A CHASM OF EMPTINESS

I lived in a chasm of emptiness
A dark void of loneliness
Cold and emotionless
Without purpose or direction
A soulless vessel
Until that blessed moment
When you blew into my heart
Your divine wind
And I was full of love

OH WIND OF LOVE

Oh wind of love,
Blow my way
Have influence over me
Like the moon does the tides
Bring music into the silence
And shine your light
Into every darkened corner
And fill my world with love

THE RED BARN MURDER

At the Old Red Barn
In a Suffolk village
Maria and William
Had a lovers tryst

Romantic young Maria
Thought it was love
And they would elope
And not be missed

But he had other plans
And shot her dead
Burying her in the barn
And escaping into the mist

But just a year later
Billy paid the price
When he met the hangman
In a different kind of tryst

RED SKY AT NIGHT

Red sky at night;
Romantics delight,
When love can start
With an open heart

A LOVE SO STRONG

A love so strong
With depth and tone
Shared by two souls,
Kindred spirits of the heart
Enough love to last
Three lifetimes
So why would such a love,
Such loving feelings,
Not only fade,
But turn to retched hate

FINALLY I FOUND SOMEONE TO LOVE

Finally I found someone to love
Someone caring and nice
Someone who loves me
But it was over in a trice
For I was complacent
And so paid the ultimate price

Tales of Love # 8

Tales of Love # 8

IN ORDER TO BE SECURE

In order to be secure
I have to be sure
That our love will last
And expectations passed
Before I can agree
To give everything of me

SHE WAS A FORCE OF NATURE

When she was a young woman
She was a force of nature
But she is a force to be reckoned with
Now she is mature

WHEN I FIRST LAID EYES ON HER

When I first laid eyes on her
It was with music in my heart
And poetry in my soul
It was she who possessed the love
Which she brought into my life
A love she generously shared
And then I fell in love with her

SHE WAS ALWAYS MORE TO ME

She was always more to me
Than just a wonderful wife
She was quite simply
The rhyme and hue of life

HORSES FOR COURSES

Horses for courses
Or opposites attracting
There is no formula
At times of interacting

It doesn’t matter
If they are that or this
I just know in my heart
I’m a hit for my miss

THE IDLE RHYTHM

The idle rhythm
Of Her song
Soothes the soul
And cools like balm
The molten heat
Of raw desire

WITH A HEART FULL TO THE BRIM

With a heart full to the brim
With love and passion
I promised her this
She would forever occupy my heart
And possess my very soul
From the moment we kissed

OH SWEET HEART

Oh sweet heart
I yearned for you, until
That first moment
Of that exquisite thrill

Oh sweet heart
I yearned for you
When you left me
Lonely and blue

Oh sweet heart
I can’t take this bitter pill
I yearned for you
I yearn for you still

HAIR OF SILVER

Hair of silver
Falls untamed
Over blemished skin
In perfect compliment
Graceful aging
And timeless beauty

I FIRST MET ANDREA

I first met Andrea
Beneath a stone grey sky
In the barren frost covered fields
Where the raspberry canes would grow
Her cheeks were as red
As the expectant fruit
And hair the shade of chestnut wood
Breath plumed as she spoke
And her nose dripped in the cold
Laughter followed her
And her lips always bore a smile
As we toiled in the canes
All day long with knife and twine
And I fell in love with the girl
Whose hair was chestnut brown
Amongst the raspberry canes of autumn

WHAT ARE THE POINT OF PEARLS?

What are the point of pearls?
If not strung in elaborate swirls
About the necks of pretty girls
Or on tiaras amidst their curls
For Girls bring lustre to the pearls
And pearls add beauty to the girls

SEND ME ON A QUEST

Send me on a quest
To win your heart
Set me any task
And I will do my part

Across any ocean
I will gladly sail
Through seas of calm
And force ten gale

Across any mountain
I will gladly climb
No matter how long
I will take the time

Across any desert
On my hands and knees
I will whatever
I must do to please

True Nature # 2

True Nature # 2

RED BERRIES

Red Berries grow
In abundance
On the holly bush
As the snow falls
Nature’s bounty
On the bough
Mother Nature
Stocking her Larder
For the long bitter
Winter to come

WHITE BERRIES

White berries grow
In abundance
On the mistletoe
As the snow falls
Nature’s bounty
On the bough
Mother Nature
Stocking her Larder
For the long bitter
Winter to come

RED BREASTED ROBIN

Red Breasted Robin
Sitting on the fence
With snow falling
God that bird is dense

Sitting out there exposed
Out in all weathers
Trying to look cute
As it freezes its feathers