CHRISTMAS SCENE

Snow blankets the ground
Lights twinkle and flash and chase
Reds, blues, white
From Chimney pot
To garden gate
Lights of every hue
And a five foot plastic Winnie the Pooh
Santa’s, elves and reindeer
Stand guard on front lawns
Neon signs point the way for Santa
A typical scene now you might think
Could be anywhere in the world
The only thing to give away the location
Is the fact it’s still November
So welcome to
Christmas in Chav land

IT HAPPENED LAST HALLOWEEN

I stepped out of the car
And was verbally assailed
As I stood upon my drive

“Trick or treat”
Came the banshee chorus
From creatures barely alive

I was taken aback
By this unprecedented event
This new tactic they’d contrived

In the past I had been safe
Behind locked doors
When the leaches arrive

But pretending not to be in
Would not cut it any more
If I was to survive

I must be as clever
As the candy seeking predators
And learn to duck and dive

So when a firework went off
And their attention was distracted
I ran away to hide

TAKING ISSUE

I am a very lucky man
To have her as my wife
And I think she thinks the same
About having me in her life

There are only two things
With which she takes issue
That’s everything I say
And everything that I do

STRESSED OUT

Is your life hard?
Do you feel stressed out?
Do, the do’s and don’ts
Make you scream and shout
To change things around
There is no doubt
That ice-cream and cake
Will turn your stress about
For if you turn Stressed around
Then Desserts is spelled out

I REALLY WANT TO SAY

I really want to say to you
Just how precious you are to me
I really want to say to you
That I know you are the one for me
I really want to speak to you of love
But here is the twister
I really can’t talk to you of love
Because I’m in love with your sister

BALDY LOCKS AND THE THREE HAIRS

BALDY LOCKS AND THE THREE HAIRS

Baldy locks may be very rich
He may even be a millionaire
But Baldy locks is unpleasant
And he will never share
Don’t ever approach him
If you don’t want to hear him swear
If you fall beneath his gaze
You must say a little prayer
Don’t venture to close
Never stray into his lair
Don’t try to converse with him
You won’t elicit any cares
The only things he cares about
Are his three remaining hairs

HEALTH WARNING

How can they say smoking is bad for you?
It’s a lot of old tosh in my personal view
All my family smoked since they were nippers
And after all smoking has cured my kippers