21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 417

 

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

As he was horny

And she took the pill

ARE YOU WEARING A HAIR PIECE?

 

Are you wearing a hair piece?

Well, that shouldn’t be a gobsmack

The wig is a shade of brown

And your own hair is jet black

BLACK WIDOW SPIDERS KILL THEIR MALES

 

Black Widow spiders kill their males

After mating, before the afterglow starts

And the reason for that is quite simple

It’s to stop the snoring before it starts

EYES BIGGER THAN MY BELLY

Eyes bigger than my belly

Especially for cake and jelly

My appetite no one could stifle

After I got an eye full of trifle

I FEEL SUCH PRIDE

I feel such pride

As I watch my fledglings

Leave the nest

And learn to fly

There is grace in learning,

With crashes out of sight

Not submitting to scrutiny

In their stumbling indignity

But they persevere

On their plan of flight

Keep taking chances,

And making their advances

And make their own way

Slowly but surely they achieve

For real heroes

Needn’t soar like eagles

To have a purposeful life

And fulfil their dreams 

I HAD A “GRUMPY OLD MAN” MUG

 

I had a “grumpy old man” mug

And my grandchildren got it

But I turned into a “Grumpy old man”

When I accidentally smashed it

MY FRIENDS CALL ME SNAKE HIPS

 

My friends call me snake hips

Though not because I’m thin

I earned my unfortunate nickname

Because I have really dry skin