A WEED IS A PLANT THAT HAS SIMPLY MASTERED

 

A weed is a plant that has simply mastered

Every survival skill in the way it grows

But with all its hardy guile and cunning

They haven’t yet learned to grow in rows

A MAN WAS LEFT MENTALLY SCARRED

A man was left mentally scarred

After swinging from trees in his yard

When a branch snagged on his leotard

So, he was hoisted on his own petard

I’M A REALLY RUBBISH GARDENER

 

I’m a really rubbish gardener

I find it all a bit of a chore

If only I was better outside

At simple horticulture

And grow stuff in the garden

Like I do in the refrigerator

THE WAY TO GARDEN EFFECTIVELY

 

To garden effectively, firstly, put on a hat

But be very careful, and choose the right one

Straw preferably, and it should have a

Wide brim to protect you from the sun

Some old clothes, but nothing too scruffy 

It should be a stylish yet practical rig

And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink

In the other, tell somebody else where to dig

TO A GARDENER

 

To a gardener,

A grassed over area

Is just a flowerbed

That has yet to appear

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 349

 

Little Miss Muffet

Sat on a tuffet

Eating of curds and whey;

And if you ever wondered

What a tuffet is

You’ll find them on Ebay

WHINGING HOLIDAY MAKERS # 3

 

Topless sunbathing on the beach

Should be universally banned

My husband finds it distracting

And can’t relax as he planned