MY SISTER WAS AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS

 

My sister was afraid of Santa Claus

The thought of him made her sick

The rest of us all loved him to bits

But she was clearly Claus-trophobic

DO YOU KNOW WHAT SANTA BRINGS

 

Do you know what Santa brings naughty

Boys and girls so they are not excluded?

It’s not coal anymore so don’t think that

Its batteries, labelled "toy not included"

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SANTA CLAUS

 

The difference between Santa Claus

And a serial philanderer as it goes

Is in essence a total lack of self-control

Because Santa stopped at three ho’s

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 284

 

I'll tell you a story

About an affluent Tory

Who waxed on the big society

 

I'll tell you another

About Ed and his brother

Who questioned his propriety

ARE YOU WEARING AN ELF OUTFIT?

 

Are you wearing an elf outfit?

Does it come with all the kit?

Pixie boots and a floppy hat

The green tights and all that

If you come to the grotto with me

You can call me Santa and sit on my knee

I LOVE JESSICA RABBIT

 

I love Jessica Rabbit,

I watch her films all the time

I find her so erotic

It’s just like watching porn

But don’t blame sweet Jessica

For my peccadilloes

It’s really not her fault

It’s just the way she’s drawn

LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 5

 

There is nothing that annoys me more

Than the elevator stopping on every floor

No one gets on or off which irks me treble

In fact it’s annoying on more than one level