I AM NOT HANDY ABOUT THE HOUSE

 

I am not handy about the house

Or with the “Do It Yourself” game

And when a book falls on my head

I've only got my shelf to blame

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 283

 

If clouds or mists do dark the sky

And they make you feel glummer

Don’t let them get you down

It’s just the English summer

ARE YOU WEARING A GREEN CHRISTMAS OUTFIT?

 

Are you wearing a green Christmas outfit?

You look very beautiful in it

In fact, you look very cute

In your Santa’s little helper suit

A Christmas hat sits atop your curls

In a way only suited to girls

A beautiful green velvet dress

And white fur trim to impress

Striped woollen legs of green and white

Are they stocking or tights?

Stockings would be in reason

More in keeping with the season

But I would not disparage woolly tights

They too have their own delights

Come and help me trim the tree

And say you dressed this way for me?

I AM WEARING A CONTENTED EXPRESSION?

 

I am wearing a contented expression?

And all that is necessarily attached

I’m a man and at the end of the day

And if it itches, it will be scratched

THERE MAY WELL BE, AS THEY SAY

 

There may well be, as they say

“Plenty of fish in the sea”

But until I catch myself a cod

I'm left holding my rod

ONCE I FOUND OUT THAT MASTURBATING

 

Once I found out that masturbating

Was an addictive habit

I knew from that very moment on

That I just had to beat it

I ALWAYS WEAR A SEAT BELT

 

I always wear a seat belt

Even though they do constrict

But I couldn't work out how

To do it up and then it clicked