ARE YOU WEARING A BAGGY SWEATER?

 

Are you wearing a baggy sweater?

For a particular reason maybe

You haven’t suddenly become a frump

So, you must be having a baby

I ORDERED THE TARKA DAL

I ordered the Tarka Dal

It was like lentil soup only hotter

I was a bit disappointed

As I was expecting curried otter

KEY PLAN

 

I am always losing my keys

So, I have devised a plan

My husband is horrified

As the car might be stolen

 

But to my way of thinking

It’s the perfect solution

After all what could be simpler

Than leaving them in the ignition

GETTING INTO FLORA

 

"I want to buy flowers for my girlfriend"

John said to the Florist

"Of course Sir, what is it you're after?"

The florist asks to assist

After a moment John replied

"Well, a shag would be top of my list"

SPICE GIRL

 

It was the plan of my wife

To spice up our love life

This involved her dressing up

To encourage me to tup

Now I have to say I didn’t mind

Watching her bump and grind

But as she played her sexy role

She didn’t dance around a pole

Nor gyrate upon my lap

To encourage my old chap

But even with all the gyrating

My libido was still hesitating

In fact, there wasn’t a glimmer

As she danced around her Zimmer

WIDOWERS RECOMPENSE

 

I am now a lonely widower

And all my buddies are dead

But there are compensations

That must definitely be said

 

There’s life in the old dog yet

That’s all I have to say,

As I go to the retirement home

For my fifty shades of grey

DEFROSTING THE FRIDGE

 

I spent two hours defrosting

The fridge yesterday

Although my darling wife

Prefers to call it foreplay