NEW ABODE

 

At the weekend a friend of mine

Moved into a new house

And not wanting to visit

Empty handed I used a bit of nouse

And bought her a gift

I knew that she couldn’t resent

A couple of small radiators

As a little housewarming present

I CAN’T BELIEVE THE SIZE OF MY WATER BILL

 

I can’t believe the size of my water bill

It’s really getting me down

According to Oxfam for £3 a month

I can supply a whole town

UNDERNEATH THE SPREADING CHESTNUT TREE

 

Two old, retired generals

In the autumn of their years

One was a French Hussar

The other of the Grenadiers

 

One spoke of conquering Spain

The other one of India

One of conquering the hun

The Frenchman of Canada

 

The two men argued for hours

People thought them bonkers

But it was quite innocent

They were just playing conquers

THE WHITE HORIZONTAL PLUME

 

The white horizontal plume

Streams in its wake

Like a long grey ribbon

As the locomotive powers on

A truly romantic image

Of the great age of steam

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 142

 

One misty, moisty, morning,

When rainy was the weather,

There I met a young man

All clothed in leather

All clothed in leather,

Fitted as tight as his skin

How do you wear it?

How do you move in it?

And what is that squeaking?

ARE YOU WEARING MOURNING CLOTHES?

 

Are you wearing mourning clothes?

Black really does look good on you

And I am very curious to know

If your underwear is black too

GOURMET PARSNIP CRISPS

 

Gourmet Parsnip crisps

I found out today

Can easily be included

As one of your five a day