WHY DO THEY CALL YOU PRUDISH JUDITH?

 

Hey Jude

I thought you were a prude

Hey Judith

I heard them call you prudish

Are you shy?

Is that the real reason why?

Hey Judith

Is that why they call you prudish?

But damn

When you’ve had a Babycham

Wow Jude

You are no goody two shoes

In fact, Jude

You are really rather crude

No prude

That I am forced to conclude

Jude, I think

That is why you have a drink

As a cure

From being modest and demure

And Jude

When you’re in the mood

To be lewd

You are exceptionally rude

With no prudity

In the manner of your nudity

So, Jude

I am forced to conclude

That Judith

Your prudishness is a myth

THE LIBERTINE

 

The libertine, devotee of the immoral

Master of the sexual conquest

Racks up countless sexual relationships

Because that’s what he does best

A real love them and leave them type

He is only interested in sexual gratification

A libertine just satisfies his appetites

And he doesn’t blame it on a mythical addiction

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 26

 

Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle,

The cow jumped over the moon.

We just couldn’t wait to have more fun

As we heated some more in a spoon

FRIENDSHIP # 7

You are my friend

Though you are cracked

But I mean that kindly

Because the cracked

Are truly blessed

As it is they who let in the light 

PUT DOWN # 25

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

“How would you like your eggs in the morning”?

He might say to you

So just reply to him

“Unfertilized will do” 

ROAD RAGE # 2

 

I hate driving

I hate what it does to me

I strive to be better

And behave courteously

 

But the second

The car door slams

I feel myself change

Into a different man

 

I lose my communication skills

Speaking in gestures

Or coded messages on the horn

That don’t relieve the pressure

 

Driving makes me intolerant

Impatient and aggressive

It makes me angry

Selfish and abusive

 

I hate driving

I hate what it does to me

It fills me with rage

For everything I see

FRIENDSHIP DEFINED

 

The definition of a real friend

Is someone who would never let a girlfriend

Drink to such excess that they will try

To have sex with a very ugly guy