SORE POINT

 

One of the guys was off sick yesterday

He had a sore throat well that’s what he says

But he was seen in a pub trying to cure it

By pouring pints of lager down it

TOY BOY

 

My teenage daughter

Bless her heart came home today

With a Yoyo

I think she said his name was Ray

3 O’CLOCK ALARM CALL

 

My son is a student

And he still lives at home

But he seems to drink more than he studies

And when he comes home at 3 in the morning much the worse for drink

He cannot differentiate between the bathroom and my wardrobe

 

My father has Alzheimer’s

And he still lives at home

He spends most of his time in a state of confusion

And when he gets up at 3 in the morning to answer the call of nature

He cannot differentiate between the bathroom and my wardrobe

 

I am at the end of my tether

I wish I didn’t live at home

Unfortunately, I still have to work for a living

Yet I wake up at 3 in the morning to find my son, my father or both

In my wardrobe pissing in my shoes

PREMATURE FALLASY

 

Premature ejaculation is a myth, a fallacy

Or more appropriately it’s a phallus-y

Ejaculation is only premature for a woman

Because it’s bang on time if you are a man

LAUGH YOURSELF FIT

 

It is said to keep you fit and well

Laughter is the best medicine

Unless of course you are a diabetic

Then the best thing is insulin

A NIGHT WITH A FIT BIRD

 

I pulled a girl on Saturday night

And when we were getting at it

She rasped, moaned and thrashed about

And I don’t mean just a bit

Well I thought I was a great lover

That I have to admit

But alas she was an asthmatic

Having an epileptic fit

GREEK DEMETER

 

Greek Demeter

Guardian of the harvest

Goddess of the corn

Mother of Persephone

Goddess of fertility

Protector of matrimony