SENIOR TESTS

 

In the seventies

I was thrilled

When I passed my driving test

Now I’m in my seventies

I’m thrilled

When I pass my sight test

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR

 

If my body were a car,

It wouldn’t travel very far

And I would begin

To think of a trade in

I've got bumps and dents

Scratches and rents

My paintwork is dull

And its time for a cull

No time for mollycoddle

Just get a newer model

I can’t focus my headlights

And I steer to the right

My upholstery is lumpy

My traction is bumpy

I skid, slip and slide

Instead of skip and glide

Even in the best of weather

I struggle to keep it together

My whitewalls are stained

With my varicosed veins 

I have a low maximum speed. 

I’m an unpredictable steed

I don’t get anywhere quickly 

My fuel burns inefficiently. 

But the worst of the wheeze

Almost every time I sneeze

Or I cough or I sputter

I leak from my radiator

And a warning to buyers

My exhaust backfires

SENIOR MOVIE STARS

 

If you lived in the seventies

You were thought to be cool

If you looked like Marlon Brando

Or Liz Taylor

If you’re in your seventies

You are thought to be a fool

If you looked like Marlon Brando

Or Liz Taylor

MEASURING SUCCESS

 

When I was four years old,

Not wetting my pants was a successful day

When I was twelve years old,

Simply having friends was success I’d say

When I was seventeen years old,

Having a driving license was it

When I was thirty five years old,

Success was having money in your pocket

When I was fifty years old,

Having money made me feel successful

When I was seventy years old,

Success was having a driver’s license still

When I was eighty years old,

Having friends was success I would say 

No I’m ninety years old,

Not wetting my pants is a successful day

FRIENDS ANONYMOUS

 

When choosing friends

Do so for their character

And when choosing clothes

Do so for their color

But don’t choose clothes

For their character

Because that’s nonsensical

And to choose friends

For their color

Is totally unthinkable