IF MY BODY WERE A CAR

 

If my body were a car,

It wouldn’t travel very far

And I would begin

To think of a trade in

I've got bumps and dents

Scratches and rents

My paintwork is dull

And its time for a cull

No time for mollycoddle

Just get a newer model

I can’t focus my headlights

And I steer to the right

My upholstery is lumpy

My traction is bumpy

I skid, slip and slide

Instead of skip and glide

Even in the best of weather

I struggle to keep it together

My whitewalls are stained

With my varicosed veins 

I have a low maximum speed. 

I’m an unpredictable steed

I don’t get anywhere quickly 

My fuel burns inefficiently. 

But the worst of the wheeze

Almost every time I sneeze

Or I cough or I sputter

I leak from my radiator

And a warning to buyers

My exhaust backfires