GET THEE BEHIND ME

 

To be great at anything

Takes determination and grit

But you can’t do it alone

You need encouragement to do it

So behind every great man

There is a woman who won’t quit

And behind every great woman

There is a whiny little shit

GOOD IN THE SACK

 

My wife says I’m good in bed

And she’s not wrong to say

She’s right I am good in bed

Because I can sleep for days

Uncanny Tales – (54) A Sylph Like Creature

 

Not just a beautiful young woman, she was a sylph like creature, so fragile that a breath of wind might dispel her in an instant.

She was almost an elemental presence, so slight and graceful was she and so light her footfalls barely left a mark, she was to all intents and purposes a mercurial nymph, a spirit of nature.

She was quiet, like a whisper in the dark, she was that sudden cool breath that makes your hairs stand on end.
But this sylph like creature, gracile and gentle, turns into a different creature in the night when her hands caress her lovers’ full breasts, and her lips kiss nipples to arousal and her delicate fingers seek out the moistness of the maid.  

HALLOWEEN IS JUST AN EXCUSE

 

Halloween is just an excuse

For girls to dress inappropriately

And that’s why Halloween

Is the best holiday for me

ARE YOU WEARING HALLOWEEN KNICKERS?

 

Are you wearing Halloween Knickers?

Is that appropriate for vicars

Just kneel upon this hassock

While I rummage in your cassock

The bishop wouldn’t think it funny

My naughty little Wiccan honey

ARE YOU WEARING HALLOWEEN SLIPPERS?

 

Are you wearing Halloween slippers?

They look very cute it must be said

But I think they’d look much cuter

If I was to see them under my bed

THE THREE LITTLE PIGS

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner

A waiter took their drink order

the first said "I would like lemonade"

The second ordered orangeade

the third little piggy said “I want beer”

“Lots and lots and lots of beer,"

 
The waiter brought the drinks order

And then took their order for dinner.

The first said "I want a nice big steak,"

The second ordered the salad plate

the third little piggy said “I want beer”

“Lots and lots and lots of beer,"

The waiter brought the dinner order

Then later took their pudding order

The first said "I want the apple crumble"

The second ordered the sherry trifle

the third little piggy said “I want beer”

“Lots and lots and lots of beer,"

 

The waiter said “pardon me for asking”

“Why have you ordered beer all evening?

“Well that obvious don’t you see”

“All the way home I go wee wee wee”