PUT DOWN # 10

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

“How did you get to be so beautiful?”

He may well declare

So just reply to him

“I must've been given your share”

BELLA DONNA

 

I met the beautiful Daniela

When we shared her umbrella

Then we drank a little Stella

And I said I thought her bella

She said I was quite a fella

So I had my way with Daniela

 

If I saw her now I’d tell her

About the state of my old fella

That turned a funny shade of yella

And the STD clinic fella

Had to employ his own umbrella

After I had my way with Daniela

SWING

 

I’m in the motor trade and I’ll try anything once

So I went to one of those swingers parties 

I took the wife along and she was well keen

She’s a good looker when she’s dressed up tarty

 

But after I dropped my car keys in the bowl

I realised that I had really dropped a clanger

As I’d arrived at the party with the latest model

But I went home with an old banger

HAND HOLDING

I always hold my wife’s hand when we’re out

People thinks it’s so romantic, but it’s not

I hold her hand all the time because I know

That if I let it go, she’ll start to shop

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 23

 

One, two, three, four, five.

Once I caught a fish alive,

But what we couldn’t see

The fish was full of Mercury

ARE YOU WEARING BLACK VELVET?

 

Are you wearing black velvet?

You look like the Black Queen

That’s so fitting for the season

I really do love Halloween

HELLO SEXY HALLOWEEN GIRL

 

Hello sexy Halloween girl

Just one look at you

And how my old heart beats

 

So tell me sexy Halloween girl

That you have no tricks for me

But you will give me some treats