I BECAME VERY FRUSTRATED TODAY

 

I became very frustrated today

When repeatedly told to press any key

Because on my computer keyboard

I can confirm there is no “any” key

BROWSING SENIOR

 

You know you are old when

You greet, with absolute delight

The statutory offer for you

To accept cookies on a new website

MUSICAL MOUSE

Mice have very high standards

Including what’s on their MP3

So when they want to chill out

They listen to some R 'n' Brie

MY CHAUFFEUR IS A RUSSIAN

 

My chauffeur is a Russian

From a city called Rostov

He’s very good at his job

His name is Pikup Andropov

THE LORD SAID UNTO JOHN

 

"Come forth and you will receive

Eternal life" The Lord said

But unfortunately, John came fifth

As a result, he won a TV instead

IT WAS UP ON ILKLEY MOOR

 

It was up on Ilkley Moor

Where I met a Yorkshire chap

And I could see he was dyslexic

As he was wearing a cat flap

Uncanny Tales – (016) What’s Yours Called?

 

Most people if pressed would not admit to giving a name to an inanimate object, especially men.

Well I can tell you now that 90% of them would be lying and the rest probably didn’t understand the question.

The commonest object, by some distance, to be endowed with a pet name, is the car and more often than not it will be a feminine name.

This is because we perceive that a cars personality is inherently female.

The reasons for this are quite obvious when you think about it, because they are high maintenance and expensive to keep, they’re unpredictable, temperamental, they only respond when you speak nicely to them and you need to endlessly accessorize.

For my part I have a dark blue Ford Fiesta which I bought brand new and I call her Abby and I did this because it was the Abbey National who loaned me the money to buy her.