NOTHING TO LOSE

 

Here’s the rub and I’m not bluffing

I started out in life with nothing,

And after several years of shit

I can say I still have most of it

MUMMY’S LITTLE ANGEL

 

A little blonde girl comes home from school

Very excited with news for her mum to submit

"Mummy, mummy today we learnt how to count

The others got to five, but I got to ten good init

"Yes darling, very good, what a clever girl

You’ve done ever so well I have to admit”

 "Is it because I’m blonde mummy?" "Yes darling,

Its because your blonde", “yes, it is mummy isn’t it”

 

Next day the girl comes home from school

Very excited with news for her mum to submit

"Mummy, mummy today we learnt the alphabet

The others got to k but I got up to z good init

"Yes darling, very good, what a clever girl

You’ve done ever so well I have to admit”

 "Is it because I’m blonde mummy?" "Yes darling,

It’s because your blonde", “yes, it is mummy isn’t it”

 

Next day the girl comes home from school

Very excited with something for her mum to see

"Mummy, today we went swimming, and well,

All the other girls are flat chested but look at me!"

She proceeds to show her breasts to her mum

"Yes darling, you are a very big girl I can see"

 "Is it because I’m blonde mummy?" "No darling,

"You have big breasts because you're twenty-three"

DARNED WABBIT

 

Rabbits’ feet are used as a lucky charm

But here’s a thought to cause alarm

If it’s true they bring luck then how is it

That having four didn’t help the rabbit

WHAT’S UP DOC?

 

The old wifes tale certainly implies

That carrots are good for the eyes

If that is really true and they haven’t lied

Why so many dead rabbits by the roadside

FROGGY

 

In France, frogs live

Under French skies

And French frogs eat

Obviously French flies

 

 

STD

 

Std meant standard telephone dialing

And was progress and intended to ease

Initials STD are also used to abbreviate

The term “sexually transmitted disease”

 

Now you cannot get an STD on your own

I hope you understand and get the gist

Nor can you catch it from the telephone

But you can catch it from a telephonist

THAT FIT’S

 

I was walking home from the pub last night

With Dai Evans when we had a sudden fright

A blood-curdling scream suddenly rang out

Something was in pain of that we had no doubt

I said, “it sounds like something’s having a fit”

He replied “it sounds like a tight one, isn’t it?”