CHARITY PLEADERS # 1

 

Just 3 pounds a month

Will help them meet their quota

So the fund raisers can drive

Their 30 grand motor

ALL OF HUMANKIND

All of humankind

Spread across the globe

Like a single organism

In bacterial proportions

And this human creature

This single entity

This living breathing

Multiplying mass thrives

And its heartbeat is love

A TIME OF MIRACLES

 The cynics say of miracles

That they are a scarce commodity,

If they happen at all

But to my mind

There is nothing more miraculous

Than the birth of a child

It may be the most common placed

Of miracles

But it is miraculous

Nonetheless

I DIDN’T KNOW MISS WORLD WAS IN TOWN

If you have begun to tire

Of being the object of men’s desire

Not of being attractive per se

But being hit upon in that way

Just tell them your incompatible

Because you are not inflatable

PERSONAL HYGIENE

 

The instructions

On my new stick deodorant read

Remove cap

And push up bottom. It said

I complied with the instructions

And it made my eyes water

I had difficulty walking

I had to grip my buttocks taughter

But when I had to fart

I did so quite softly

And noticed at once

That the room smelt lovely

I DO DRINK COFFEE

 

I do drink Coffee

But it’s not a favourite of mine

It doesn’t fill me with cheer

 

It just fills in the time

Until it’s socially acceptable

To start drinking beer

SUNFLOWER

In an attempt to change my lifestyle

I became a vegetarian, well for a while

But for me it didn’t suit, and wasn’t right

Because I kept leaning towards sunlight