You were stopped late one Saturday night
Because of a defective breaking light
Through the window “good morning ocifer”
To the constable you just manage to slur
With a shake of his head and a finger wag
“Step out of the car sir and blow into the bag”
“Three times over the limit positive that’s plain”
“I’m sorry ocifer pleesh allow me to exshplain”
“I couldn’t call a Taxi coz it was dickipult to talk
So I had to drive coz I was too drunk to walk”
If the police have you cornered
There’s no way out, you’re in a fix
Then sit tight, await instructions
“Give up and come out” – no tricks
Don’t try to shoot your way out
Like the bad guys against Tom Mix
It’s better to be judged by twelve
Than to be carried out by six
You never get a second chance
To make a first impression I say
Well there’s a bloke at work
I’ve disliked from his first day
Firstly he has the type of face
You would never tire of slapping
And if he was to drop down dead
I would stand there clapping
Repeatedly slapping his silly face
Is simply my one and only desire
And I wouldn’t even piss on him
If I was to find he was on fire
Are you wearing a Basque?
Is it a black one may I ask
Do you have a matching mask
And will you take me to task
When I suggested you needed protection
I wasn’t meaning you needed a condom
I was merely wondering if you happened
To have a suitable raincoat to put on
There are no flies on me
Of
which to speak
As
a result, my case
Now
comes up next week
