Let’s set the record straight regarding
The differences between us pending
There are a few contentious Issues
So, grab yourself a box of tissues
Birthdays and Anniversaries
Are not quests or epic odysseys
For us to find you the perfect gift
We try our best so don’t be miffed
Please ask for what you want
Let’s be clear with due détente
Your subtle hints don’t work at all
Even Strong hints don’t if you recall
And obvious hints do not work
Just say it and don’t go berserk
We really don't remember dates
It’s just one of our personal traits
Mark them on the calendar clearly
Remind us before, frequently
We cannot read minds and never have
Nor is it an ability we will ever have
Such An inability does not construe
Or prove that we don’t care for you
Come to us with a problem only if
Its something we can solve in a Jif
And you want our help in solving it
That's what we do were good at it
But its help we give and no more
Sympathy is what girlfriends are for
If something we said can be taken
More than one way or mistaken
And one of the ways makes you sad
Or angry, upset or just plain mad
Then that certainly wasn’t our intent
It was clearly the other one we meant
Anything we said over six months ago
Is inadmissible in an argument you know
In fact all comments are null and void
After seven days ask Sigmund Freud
The relationship is never going to be
Like it was the first two months or three
We were going out then, it was lust
Tell that to your girlfriends if you must
And whenever possible, for pities sake
Talk only during the commercial break
You have the choice so can either ask
Us simply and concisely to perform a task
Or tell us how you want the job done
But don’t do both you can chose only one
If you already know best how to do it
Then don’t ask us just get on and do it
If we ask what is wrong and you say
“Nothing” we will behave that way
We know it’s a lie when you say it
But it is not worth the hassle is it
When we have to go out somewhere
I’m happy with whatever you wear
Most men own three pairs of shoes
What makes you think we can chose
Which pair, out of thirty more or less
Would look any good with that dress
You have enough clothes trust me
You have too many shoes cant you see
And yes there are times it is true
We are not thinking about you
It’s a fact of life so don’t obsess
We do not love you any less
Now let me finish what I’ve begun
Now where was I, I’m almost done
Sunday and sports go well together
Like BBQ’s and good weather
A headache that last for over a year
Means you need to see a doctor I fear
Christopher Columbus did not desire
Directions and nor do we require
If you won't dress like a French maid
Don’t expect us to act like a TV blade
Let us ogle and don’t be so pathetic
We are going to anyway; it's genetic
Yes and no are perfectly acceptable
Responses to any question you table
Crying is blackmail if not deceit
Oh yes Learn to work the toilet seat
By the way don’t ever cut your hair
And check your oil please let’s be fair
No matter what you have been taught
Shopping is certainly NOT a sport.
I hope that’s illuminated the gloom
All right I’ll sleep in the spare room
