Thursday, 17 November 2011

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 227

Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
And a merry old soul was he;
He called for his pot in the middle of the night
Because he needed to take a pee

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 228

Pease pudding hot,
Pease pudding cold,
Pease pudding in the pot
Nine days old.
“That’s got to be past its sell by date”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 229

Lucy Locket lost her pocket,
Kitty Fisher found it;
Not a penny was there in it,
“That Kitty Fisher is a thieving little cow”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 230

Daffy-down-Dilly
Has come to town
With a yellow petticoat
And a pretty green gown
“Quick phone the fashion police”

UNCATEGORIZED POEMS # 2

HOPE SITS

Hope sits
Upon its primordial throne
A constant, in a sea of change
An unquenchable thirst
An unsatisfied yearning
An unscratchable itch
When all else fails
Hope waits for us all
Since time immemorial
Till the end of time

LIFE INSURANCE

Life should be rewarding
Though not monetarily
Riches nonetheless
For premiums take many forms
But you can’t take out
What you don’t put in
So just invest yourself
And reap the dividends

ANGEL IN THE CROWN

Angel in the crown
of heavens splendours shown
winged beauty flown

THIS OLD HOUSE

This old house
With faded papered walls
And paint flaked and chipped
Rooms full of drafts
And murky shadowed light
Smelling of decay and neglect
And life long absence
The house needed something
No the house wanted something
Amidst the cobwebs of yesterday
And the promise of tomorrow
The house wanted to be a home

MY HEART CARRIES TOO MANY SORROWS

My heart carries too many sorrows
Now my yesterdays out weigh my tomorrows
My spirits sit low in the grey December light
My bones grow weary in the night
I long for the spring sun upon my face
Yet I know that can never again be the case
I wait now in the quiet of another night
In hopeful expectation of the benevolent light

TIME THE FICKLE FRIEND

Time the fickle friend,
though you never wind the spring
the celestial clock ticks on

ARTISTIC PRACTICE

The potter breathing life
Into cold dead clay
An artist and his canvas
Killing the white
The sculptor seeing visions
In the lifeless stone
Wordsmiths weaving
Elaborate fabric with their words
Wood carvers releasing
The image hid within the wood
The unity between hand and mind
Artists and artisans all

BE ENGLISH

Celebrate the victory
With your piers
Drown the woes of foes
In English beer
Sing loud the songs of triumph
Whisper low of near disasters
Be magnanimous in victory
Be humble in defeat
Be proud, be loud
Be English

HUMEROUS POEMS # 2

THERE ARE THREE WORDS

There are three words
No one ever wants to hear
When they are making love
They are “I’m home dear!"

MY LEAST FAVOURITE THINGS # 2

Rotund young women as round as they’re tall
Frumpy old maids with no dress sense at all
Middle aged women who think its still spring
These are a few of my least favourite things

THE CRUEL FACTS OF LIFE

I asked my thirteen year old
If he understood the facts of life
But his complete over reaction
Shocked me and my wife

The boy burst into tears and yelled
“Don’t tell me I don’t want to know”
He put his hands over his ears
Saying “I’m not listening no, no, no”

When my son had calmed down
I asked him what was so scary
He said “when I was seven, you said
That there was no Tooth fairy”

“Then when I was nine, you said
That there was no Easter bunny”
Last year you said that Santa Claus
Was really you and mummy

Now on the eve of my manhood
If you’re going to tell me
That adults don’t have sex
You may just as well shoot me

THE MERITS OF FERRETS

The merits of ferrets
Are the traits he inherits
For hunting the rabbit
In the place they inhabit

THE QUIZZICAL SON

A young boy comes home from school
And addresses his father quizzically
"Dad, what's the difference between
Theoretically and realistically?"

His Dad considered for a moment
Then replied "this calls for a demonstration,
Go and ask Mum if she would sleep with
Ed Balls for a million pound remuneration"

The son raced off to ask his mother
Quickly returning with what he’d found
"Dad she said she would sleep with
Ed Balls for a million pounds"

His Dad considered for a moment
Then replied "Ok another demonstration,
Go and ask your Sister if she would sleep with
Ed Balls for a million pound remuneration"

The son raced off to ask his mother
Quickly returning with what he’d found
"Dad she said she would sleep with
Ed Balls for a million pounds"

His Dad considered for a moment
Then replied "Ok one final demonstration,
Go and ask your Brother if he would sleep with
Ed Balls for a million pound remuneration"

The son raced off to ask his mother
Quickly returning with what he’d found
"Dad he said he would sleep with
Ed Balls for a million pounds"

"Well there’s your answer, we could
Have three million pounds, theoretically.
But as it turns out what we have is
Two slappers and a homosexual, realistically."

THE ORIGINS OF DANCE # 2

If Scottish dancers
Come from Scotland
And Irish dancers
Come from Ireland
Are Pole dancers
From Poland?

I LOVE YOU DARLING WARTS AND ALL

I love you Darling warts and all
Though I can’t seem to recall
When we first met at the mall
And we chatted in the food hall
You ever mentioning warts at all

PUT DOWN # 48

Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he says “hey doll can I buy you a drink”
Ignore him, only reply if he persists
“Maybe you'd be less boring if I got to know you,
But I am not willing to take that risk”

EVERYONE NEEDS A HOBBY

Everyone needs a hobby
And my dad is no exception
He has built up a rather large
Empty bottle collection

There is a name for it
It’ll come to me in a tick
It’s on the tip of my tongue
Oh yes he’s an alcoholic




RIBALD # 2

BRITISH MANHOOD

British manhood
Out on the Razz
Have no conscience
Or boundaries
When endowed
With the beer goggles
They have no preferences
If you shaved a pig
And put it in a dress
With white stilettos
Someone would take it home
Given a late enough hour
And sufficient beer
The necessity to shave the pig
Would be redundant

I LOVE POOH BEAR

I love Pooh bear
And Paddington bear
I love my panda bear
And my teddy Bear
But most of all I must declare
I love my honey bare

THE TRUTH BEHIND THE ACTION

A love pat on the behind my dear
A subtle spank on my dearest’s rear
An action speaking loud and clear
Placed on the buttock soft and plump
A subtle spank on tender rump
The preamble to some rumpy pump

FLASH GAME

A flasher stepped out from the shadows
In front of an unsuspecting old lady
Who just looked pityingly at him and his offering
For no more than a minute or two maybe

She mentally took in his description
200 lbs and about 6ft but no taller
Then he said: "You know what this is don't you?"
She replied "it looks like a penis, only smaller!"

PEAFOWL

Two peahens watched
As the peacock danced
The courtship display
He proudly pranced

One hen said to the other
“All this is getting on my wick”
Then shouted “stop showing off
And show us your dick”

MY FAVOURITE THINGS # 2

Girls in short dresses with black satin panties
G-strings and thongs and exotic scanties
Innocent lookers who do naughty things
These are a few of my favourite things

Firm rounded buttocks and waists that are tiny
A look in the eye that says “I’m Mandy try me”
A flirt in a skirt who looks like she sins
These are a few of my favourite things

When the lust strikes
When the urge stings
When I'm feeling taught
I simply remember my favourite things
And then find an easy sort

STEAMER

Steamer, you’ve left behind a steamer
Well can’t you put the lid on the pan? Oh no
I said steamer, you’ve left behind a steamer
Well can’t you put the lid on the pan? Oh no
I said “my God, what a size, a girth, a length it is
You know – well you know you left it hummin in view
Now there's not a lot I can do

Sung to the tune of Dreamer by Supertramp

ADMIRATION AND LOVE # 2

SILVER HEADED LADY FAIR

All I can do is stand and stare
At the silver headed lady fair
The woman with the silvery hair
Oh beautiful lady standing there
With the waves of silvery hair
Please be the answer to my prayer

HOW FAIR BE YOUR COUNTENANCE

How fair be your countenance
A beauty fairer than the Rose?
How fair be your fragrance
Is it as pleasing to the nose?
How do you compare to the flower
Perhaps this year you are equals
But with each year passing
You will not match its sequels

SUMMER GIRLS

Summer girls
Glistening with suntan oils
Clad in bikinis
On yellow sunlit soils
And how the suitor
Athletically toils
To catch their eye
And so take the spoils

ODE TO MY BEAU

You hold back the night
With your gallantry
You subdue my fears
With your chivalry
You hold me in the light
With your passion for me

WHAT MORE BEAUTY

What more beauty could there be
Than in a maiden lithe of limb
With perfect elegance and grace
And a figure both sleek and trim
Beheld in the vision of a man
Who thinks she only has eyes for him


Friday, 11 November 2011

NATURE POEMS

BEAUTEOUS ROSE

Beauteous Rose in summer dress
In scented splendour
The courtly bees attends thee
Thy fragrant demeanour
In sunlit display
Leaves all nature in awe

THE NIGHT IS STILL

The night is still
And summer flowers sleep
To awake with dawn

A NEW DAY DAWNING

On the distant horizon
The embers of the dawn
Brightly glow
As God blows gentle breath
Upon the glowing coals
And lights up another day

WANE BITTER SEASON

Wane bitter season,
dare Snowdrops to appear, before
winters lingering bite

SPRING WAKES

Spring wakes from lazy
slumber, finding the Crocus heads
already on display

UNCATEGORIZED POEMS # 1

RESPECT

I don’t compare myself to others
Of greater worth or merit
Or try to compete or out perform them
Simply, I am my own man,
And I am content to be so
I am happy to be transparent
So those around me can see what I am
And know the content of my heart
And because of my strong principles
I have self respect
And in return I ask only one thing
To be respected

NEVER OVER REACH

Never confuse, without exception
Excellence with perfection
Excellence you can strive for
Perfection is something more
As I heard Michael J Fox once express
Perfection is God’s business

AS JOYOUS AS A SONG

My love for you
Is as joyous as a song,
Sung in congregation
With the faithful throng

DRAWN LIKE A MOTH

I moved toward the light
Drawn like a moth to a flame
It was a benevolent light
Not dazzlingly bright
But soft and easy on the eye
And when the vista opened wide
It emerged into serenity
With sweet music everywhere
And love enveloped me
Like a soft blanket
In the place of perfect peace
I stepped among the angels
Where no shadows fall

THEY FOLLOW THEIR HEARTS

They follow their hearts
A congregation of one accord
Singing the heartfelt lyrics
To make sweet music to the lord

FILL MY CUP WITH CHEER

Fill my cup with cheer
Dear Lord
But let me be merry
And not drunk
Let me be a companion
And not a burden
Let me be happy
But not foolish
Let me know
When its time to go
And deliver me
Safely to my door

ON THAT AND THIS

Many hours spent
A whole lifetime lent
Time spent remiss
On that and this
Times sands run
And can’t be undone
Too late to wish
Now stood at the abyss
Time never fails
To balance the scales
Regrets too late
Surrender to fate
Time to repent
Your lifetime lent