THREE WISE ONES Reprised

The three wise men
Traveled for days before reaching Bethlehem
And arrived after the birth
They stood and viewed the scene in awe
And knelt reverently in the lords presence
Then gave their gifts of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh

The three wise women
Would have stopped to ask directions
And arrived before the birth
They would have delivered the baby
Then they would have cleaned the stable and cooked a meal
Before giving the baby really useful gifts

The three wise women
Leaving Bethlehem would be heard to say
“A virgin not likely, I know the family”
“That baby looks more like the shepherd than Joseph”
“Only a drama queen would choose to give birth in a stable”
“That Joseph is on the social you know”
“Well a lift home would have been nice”
“That angel was really snooty”

DECEMBER

December’s wind is bitter
December's moon is cold
December's gem is turquoise
December’s year is old

December’s sun is cool
December’s water is ice
December’s number is twelve
December smells of spice

December’s season is winter
December’s green is holly
December’s season is festive
December people are jolly

December’s shops are full
December’s shows are on
December’s drink is eggnog
December smells of cinnamon

December’s days are short
December’s nights are long
December’s tone is joy
December sings a Christmas song

VENTURA HOLIDAY

A Christmas cruise in the Caribbean
What a dream for the Christmas season
It’s a dream holiday for anyone
And costs thousands of pounds for a reason
Among other things what you would expect
When venturing on the ocean waves
Is to be in company of like minded people
Who comprehend how they should behave
You book early to avoid disappointment
And the chance to choose where to stay
Settle the amount in plenty of time
Then in December you’re on your way
But then to ensure a full compliment
Those greedy so and so’s at P& O
Heavily discount the remaining cabins
To all and sundry, happy Christmas ho ho ho
From every city, village and town
From Great Yarmouth to Merseyside
From John O’Groats to Lands End
And from Fishguard to Tyneside
They come in search of a bargain
And a cut price berth on a luxury cruise
The uncouth the loutish and the crude
They who measure fun in volumes of booze
And so begins the Chav cruise from hell
Not hell for the Chavs themselves sadly
But for the poor souls who paid their way
Chavs know no other way to behave but badly
For alcohol consumption they know no limit
This is apparent for every poor soul to see
Drunken food fights soon breakout
Some even set fire to the Christmas tree
What a sad indictment on our society
The way the Chavs behave abroad
It’s a shame that international law
Won’t let us throw the bastards overboard

CHRISTMAS WITHOUT HARRY

It was early when the children woke up
With their squeals of joy and delight
They hadn’t woken me though
I’d been awake half the night

Christmas held no joy for me this year
I was not looking forward to the day
And I always loved Christmas
This year I didn’t want to play

It was the first Christmas since I lost Harry
And each moment was a fresh agony
Everything we used to do together
Now had to be done by me

When you are the perfect partnership
It’s so hard when you lose one of the team
He was the cream cheese on my bagel,
I was the coffee to his cream

Its six months since he was taken from me
But the wound has barely healed
It takes just the slightest remembrance
And a fresh scar is then revealed

The children have all adjusted well
I’m so proud of the way they’ve coped
They’ve gotten on with their lives
And not sat around and moped

I’ve lain awake most of the night
Reliving Christmases gone by
I laughed at all the happy memories
And then the laughter turned to cries

It was going to be a difficult day to bear
And I would be glad when it was done
But I didn’t want to be a Grinch
And pour water on the children’s fun

Having Christmas without Harry
Was like having an undecorated tree
He was my best friend and soul mate
He was just everything to me

So for the kid’s sake I had to grin and bear it
Put on a brave face, smiled through the pain
I thought it would never end but end it did
And it won’t be that hard again

THE GIFT GIVER

The Christmas trees are trimmed
And all the halls are decked
Santa has made his list
And all the names are checked
The reindeer have been harnessed
The sleigh is loaded high
Santa climbs into his seat
And they’re off into the sky
Santa goes from roof to roof
From city to city and town to town
He finds the chimney pot
Then takes the presents down
And the gift giver goes about his work
So that every girl and boy
Can awake on Christmas morning
And unwrap that wanted toy

CHRISTMAS TURKEY

Laid naked on the kitchen table
White flesh from leg to breast
A Christmas bird to be enjoyed
My table was truly blessed

I set about the job in hand
Getting the bird prepared
And by using all my expertise
No effort at all was spared

Having greased the old bird well
The meaty legs spread wide
And I began to stuff the bird
I was really in my stride

When the bird had been well stuffed
It lay resting on the cooker
Smelling of sage and onion
The bird really was a looker

Then I looked up at the kitchen clock
Panic filled me and I began to fret
I shouted to my wife “quick put you pants on”
I haven’t prepared the turkey yet

CHRISTMAS SCENE

Snow blankets the ground
Lights twinkle and flash and chase
Reds, blues, white
From Chimney pot
To garden gate
Lights of every hue
And a five foot plastic Winnie the Pooh
Santa’s, elves and reindeer
Stand guard on front lawns
Neon signs point the way for Santa
A typical scene now you might think
Could be anywhere in the world
The only thing to give away the location
Is the fact it’s still November
So welcome to
Christmas in Chav land