MILITARY LAW # 1
There is an old law of combat
If you heed this you’ll go far
Never ever share a foxhole
With anyone braver than you are
MILITARY LAW # 2
The buddy system is essential
To surviving in combat
Because it gives the enemy
Somebody else to shoot at
MILITARY LAW # 3
Never let a senior officer
Stand next to you
Because even snipers
Can make mistakes too
Thursday, 4 September 2008
RULES FOR CATS TO LIVE BY
DOORS
It's very important that you endeavour
Not to allow you're human too ever
In any room keep the doors shut
To get a door open, just purr or strut
Once you've got your human to open it
It is not necessary for you to use it
If it is an outside door lie in the threshold
This is very important if it's wet or cold
HELP WITH THE COOKING
When supervising the cooking
Get behind the cook by sitting
Where she would be hard put
To see you just by her left foot
And you will stand a better chance
Of being trod on which will advance
Your human to pick you up to
Babble gibberish and comfort you
PAPERWORK
If you're human is doing paperwork
Lie on it and you drive them berserk
A fun thing to do if they are writing
Is to play with the pencil by batting
READING BOOKS
When you're human is reading a book
Jump up on them to get a closer look
Get close up to them under their chin
So it's hard for them to keep reading
Keep between the reader and the book
And dribble on it when they try to look
If you get the chance lie on their hands
They will soon give in to your demands
READING NEWSPAPERS
Now this is a very interesting caper
When you're human is reading the paper
Jump up at the newspaper suddenly
Silently and landing on their knee
This will make the paper unreadable
And your human a little disagreeable
USING THE COMPUTER
When your human is working at the computer
Bat at the cursor this will make you even cuter
Then walk across keyboard without hesitating
Then lay across their arms to stop them typing
AT BEDTIME
They wont sleep well if you get it right
Always sleep on your human at night
So that they cannot easily move around
Bat at their ears if they sleep to sound
THE LITTER BOX
If you notice your humans isn't wearing socks
Be sure to kick plenty of litter out of your box
If they're half a sleep is the best time I suppose
Humans love the feel of litter between their toes
THE ART OF HIDING
From time to time it is a good idea
To hide and make your human fear
When you return home eventually
They will be so relieved to see
With open arms you they will greet
And you are bound to get a treat
HOW TO GREET A GUEST
If visitors come to your home
Jump on their laps to welcome
Purr loudly and turn around
Break wind and then jump down
CHAIRS OR CARPETS
If you think you're going to be sick
Get to any chair as quick as you can
If you cannot manage it in time
Get to the expensive rug from Japan
If there is no Oriental rug to hand
Then the shag pile will certainly fit
When throwing up on any carpet
Make sure you back up as you do it
THE BATHROOM
If visitors go to the bathroom
Always accompany them there
It's not necessary to do anything
You just have to sit and stare
It's very important that you endeavour
Not to allow you're human too ever
In any room keep the doors shut
To get a door open, just purr or strut
Once you've got your human to open it
It is not necessary for you to use it
If it is an outside door lie in the threshold
This is very important if it's wet or cold
HELP WITH THE COOKING
When supervising the cooking
Get behind the cook by sitting
Where she would be hard put
To see you just by her left foot
And you will stand a better chance
Of being trod on which will advance
Your human to pick you up to
Babble gibberish and comfort you
PAPERWORK
If you're human is doing paperwork
Lie on it and you drive them berserk
A fun thing to do if they are writing
Is to play with the pencil by batting
READING BOOKS
When you're human is reading a book
Jump up on them to get a closer look
Get close up to them under their chin
So it's hard for them to keep reading
Keep between the reader and the book
And dribble on it when they try to look
If you get the chance lie on their hands
They will soon give in to your demands
READING NEWSPAPERS
Now this is a very interesting caper
When you're human is reading the paper
Jump up at the newspaper suddenly
Silently and landing on their knee
This will make the paper unreadable
And your human a little disagreeable
USING THE COMPUTER
When your human is working at the computer
Bat at the cursor this will make you even cuter
Then walk across keyboard without hesitating
Then lay across their arms to stop them typing
AT BEDTIME
They wont sleep well if you get it right
Always sleep on your human at night
So that they cannot easily move around
Bat at their ears if they sleep to sound
THE LITTER BOX
If you notice your humans isn't wearing socks
Be sure to kick plenty of litter out of your box
If they're half a sleep is the best time I suppose
Humans love the feel of litter between their toes
THE ART OF HIDING
From time to time it is a good idea
To hide and make your human fear
When you return home eventually
They will be so relieved to see
With open arms you they will greet
And you are bound to get a treat
HOW TO GREET A GUEST
If visitors come to your home
Jump on their laps to welcome
Purr loudly and turn around
Break wind and then jump down
CHAIRS OR CARPETS
If you think you're going to be sick
Get to any chair as quick as you can
If you cannot manage it in time
Get to the expensive rug from Japan
If there is no Oriental rug to hand
Then the shag pile will certainly fit
When throwing up on any carpet
Make sure you back up as you do it
THE BATHROOM
If visitors go to the bathroom
Always accompany them there
It's not necessary to do anything
You just have to sit and stare
PANDERING
The Giant Panda
To some extent
Is the architect
Of its predicament
Its choice of habitat
And fussy diet
Contributes greatly
To its demise, I regret
To some extent
Is the architect
Of its predicament
Its choice of habitat
And fussy diet
Contributes greatly
To its demise, I regret
REBORN
Mountain snows thawing
Swollen rivers causing
Nature dormant awakening
Newlife into breathing
Sprouting shoots arriving
Early cherry blossoming
Annual event occurring
Life’s cycle repeating
Spring time refreshing
Simple senses pleasing
Gods design believing
Swollen rivers causing
Nature dormant awakening
Newlife into breathing
Sprouting shoots arriving
Early cherry blossoming
Annual event occurring
Life’s cycle repeating
Spring time refreshing
Simple senses pleasing
Gods design believing
REAWAKENED
Nature reawakened
As the long winter dies
Naked boughs are dressed
Spring causing sap to rise
The resounding birdsong
Fills again the April skies
And the warming earth
Releases daff’s and narcissi’s
As the long winter dies
Naked boughs are dressed
Spring causing sap to rise
The resounding birdsong
Fills again the April skies
And the warming earth
Releases daff’s and narcissi’s
SUMMER GARDEN
Suspended baskets spill scented color
Gently swinging in the summer breeze
Pollen drifts unseen in the fragrant air
Causing sufferers to cough and sneeze
Maids scantily clad in pastel colors
Girls wearing little to keep them cool
Scanty outfits set men’s pulses racing
The men who watch sit back and drool
Men in shorts wear socks with sandals
Middle-aged women dressed up as lamb
Deciding to satisfying their appetite
Eating sandwiches of cheese and ham
Lunch consumed and glasses emptied
The drink is drunk so no more boozing
Homeward now they make their way
To end the day by dozing or snoozing
Babies asleep in buggies or prams
Children laugh from slide and swings
The garden full of carefree chatter
Roaring trade till the last bell rings
Gently swinging in the summer breeze
Pollen drifts unseen in the fragrant air
Causing sufferers to cough and sneeze
Maids scantily clad in pastel colors
Girls wearing little to keep them cool
Scanty outfits set men’s pulses racing
The men who watch sit back and drool
Men in shorts wear socks with sandals
Middle-aged women dressed up as lamb
Deciding to satisfying their appetite
Eating sandwiches of cheese and ham
Lunch consumed and glasses emptied
The drink is drunk so no more boozing
Homeward now they make their way
To end the day by dozing or snoozing
Babies asleep in buggies or prams
Children laugh from slide and swings
The garden full of carefree chatter
Roaring trade till the last bell rings
SUNLIGHT DANCING
Bright sunlight dances across the open water
Glinting like diamonds in the soft march winds
The surface occasionally broken by rising fish
Far-reaching ripples expand as a splash rescinds
Without warning the morning peace is shattered
The silence broken by breeding ducks in a brace
Flying and gliding effortlessly in perfect harmony
Until clumsily hitting the water with a lack of grace
An intruder and his dog appears on the lakeside path
The alarm is raised by geese honking frantically
Adult swans noisily adopt their defensive stance
Huge wings out-spanned and charge dramatically
The once tranquil scene is lost in a cacophony
All the nesting wildfowl have now been alerted
The intruder and his dog disappear along the path
The peace returns now the danger has been averted
Bright sunlight again dances across the water
Glinting like diamonds in the soft march winds
The surface occasionally broken by rising fish
Far-reaching ripples expand as a splash rescinds
Glinting like diamonds in the soft march winds
The surface occasionally broken by rising fish
Far-reaching ripples expand as a splash rescinds
Without warning the morning peace is shattered
The silence broken by breeding ducks in a brace
Flying and gliding effortlessly in perfect harmony
Until clumsily hitting the water with a lack of grace
An intruder and his dog appears on the lakeside path
The alarm is raised by geese honking frantically
Adult swans noisily adopt their defensive stance
Huge wings out-spanned and charge dramatically
The once tranquil scene is lost in a cacophony
All the nesting wildfowl have now been alerted
The intruder and his dog disappear along the path
The peace returns now the danger has been averted
Bright sunlight again dances across the water
Glinting like diamonds in the soft march winds
The surface occasionally broken by rising fish
Far-reaching ripples expand as a splash rescinds
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)