RULES FOR CATS TO LIVE BY

DOORS

It's very important that you endeavour
Not to allow you're human too ever
In any room keep the doors shut
To get a door open, just purr or strut
Once you've got your human to open it
It is not necessary for you to use it
If it is an outside door lie in the threshold
This is very important if it's wet or cold

HELP WITH THE COOKING

When supervising the cooking
Get behind the cook by sitting
Where she would be hard put
To see you just by her left foot
And you will stand a better chance
Of being trod on which will advance
Your human to pick you up to
Babble gibberish and comfort you

PAPERWORK

If you're human is doing paperwork
Lie on it and you drive them berserk
A fun thing to do if they are writing
Is to play with the pencil by batting

READING BOOKS

When you're human is reading a book
Jump up on them to get a closer look
Get close up to them under their chin
So it's hard for them to keep reading
Keep between the reader and the book
And dribble on it when they try to look
If you get the chance lie on their hands
They will soon give in to your demands

READING NEWSPAPERS

Now this is a very interesting caper
When you're human is reading the paper
Jump up at the newspaper suddenly
Silently and landing on their knee
This will make the paper unreadable
And your human a little disagreeable

USING THE COMPUTER

When your human is working at the computer
Bat at the cursor this will make you even cuter
Then walk across keyboard without hesitating
Then lay across their arms to stop them typing

AT BEDTIME

They wont sleep well if you get it right
Always sleep on your human at night
So that they cannot easily move around
Bat at their ears if they sleep to sound

THE LITTER BOX

If you notice your humans isn't wearing socks
Be sure to kick plenty of litter out of your box
If they're half a sleep is the best time I suppose
Humans love the feel of litter between their toes

THE ART OF HIDING

From time to time it is a good idea
To hide and make your human fear
When you return home eventually
They will be so relieved to see
With open arms you they will greet
And you are bound to get a treat

HOW TO GREET A GUEST

If visitors come to your home
Jump on their laps to welcome
Purr loudly and turn around
Break wind and then jump down

CHAIRS OR CARPETS

If you think you're going to be sick
Get to any chair as quick as you can
If you cannot manage it in time
Get to the expensive rug from Japan
If there is no Oriental rug to hand
Then the shag pile will certainly fit
When throwing up on any carpet
Make sure you back up as you do it

THE BATHROOM

If visitors go to the bathroom
Always accompany them there
It's not necessary to do anything
You just have to sit and stare