SANTA’S SLEIGH BROKE DOWN

Santa’s sleigh broke down

So, he stopped a passing motorist

Who offered to give him a toe

But then he was a Chiropodist 

SANTA CLAUS PASSED HIS TEST

 

Santa Claus passed his test

One fine frost filled day

Which was evidenced

By Noel plates on the sleigh

IN SANTA’S CHRISTMAS VILLAGE

In Santa’s Christmas village

What do you call a female Elf?

Well not an Elfess or Elfette

So, the name would be “a Shelf” 

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 38

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all round the Close

The Carol Singers perform

For the festive and the morose

VISITING ETHOS

 

Santa Claus definitely

Has the right idea

When he only visits

People once a year

PUZZLED AUNTY

 

Bimbette wouldn’t buy

Her niece a jigsaw

For Christmas Even though

She’d asked for it before

It was Because it was labelled

6-8 years

So not finishing it in the two week

Holiday was her fear

ARE YOU WEARING RED? # 1

 

Are you wearing red?

And standing at the foot of my bed

I hope that means you’re Santa

And not Jeremy Corbyn instead

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 37

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all along the Avenue

The Christmas lights are twinkling

For everyone to view

PREMIER INN ADVENT CALENDAR

 

I got an Advent Calendar this year

From the Hotel chain “Premier Inn”

With a chocolate behind every window

But of course, you couldn’t open them

CHRISTMAS LIGHTING CEREMONY

 

“I’m switching on the Christmas lights

In Cardiff” My Brother told me excitedly

But in typical minor celebrity fashion he added

“I didn’t even know they had electricity”

WHEN I WAS A KID @ XMAS

 

When I was a kid

On Christmas Morning

The day began

With excited howls

Of “Has he been?”

Because we didn’t get gifts

Until my Dad

Had evacuated his bowels

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 36

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all along the street

The faithful walked to Church

Where they would meet

To celebrate the Mass and wait

For Christmas Day to greet

MY MATE IS PLANNING A TRIP TO LAPLAND

 

My mate is planning a trip to Lapland

As his kids really want to go

He would prefer elves landing on his lap

At Santa’s Village bar à gogo

MICROSOFT ADVENT CALENDAR

 

I got a Microsoft Advent Calendar

This year, but if you should open

Too many Windows, They will,

For no apparent reason all close again

I WAS PUNCHING BUTTONS ALL DAY

I was punching Buttons all day

But I got the sack though

Which was a little disappointing

Because I liked doing Panto 

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 35

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all thru the place

Not a creature was stirring

With not a sound nor a trace

The whole family were next door

Where to their utter disgrace

With the neighbours away

They were robbing the place

HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN @ XMAS

 

Her Majesty the Queen

Decorates her own Christmas Tree

And at Balmoral Castle this year

She awarded it an OBE

THE FAMILY USED TO LIVE IN LOS ANGLES

 

The family used to live in Los Angles

Until just a few year ago

But we moved to Santa Monica

Because dad is Christmas crazy

And we had to live somewhere

That begins with the word "Santa."

ADOLPH HITLER REALLY LOVED CHRISTMAS

Adolph Hitler really loved Christmas

That much Is perfectly clear

He loved the sleigh and the team

But Blitzen was his favourite reindeer? 

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 34

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all thru the caravan

Not a creature was stirring

Which wasn’t the plan

But the camp site was flooded

So that was the reason

And would be out of action

For the festive season