PANAMA HATS

 

Regarding which country makes

Panama hats, I was seriously misled

It turns out they’re not Panamanian

And are made in Ecuador instead

ARE YOU WEARING A CORSAGE? # 1

 

Are you wearing a corsage?

On your ample rounded breast

What a beautiful creation

I like the little rose bud best

ARE YOU WEARING CORDUROY?

 

Are you wearing corduroy?

Oh you twenty-first century boy

You’re dressed as teacher would be

If he lived in nineteen seventy

GALLIC SANDALS

 

A Frenchman, wearing sandals,

Was in a bit of a gallic strop

After teasing about his footwear

His name was Phillipe Phillop

ARE YOU WEARING KNICKERBOCKERS?

 

Are you wearing Knickerbockers?

Well listen, I don’t mean to flummox

But it looks like the Knickerbockers

Have fallen out with your socks

ARE YOU WEARING CAPRI PANTS?

 

Are you wearing Capri Pants?

You’d look at home on a yacht

But I can say one thing for sure

Audrey Hepburn you are not

ARE YOU WEARING PEDAL PUSHERS?

 

Are you wearing pedal pushers?

I think it’s their appearance you like

Given that you are a sedentary being

And you can’t even ride a bike

ARE YOU WEARING CLAM DIGGERS?

 

Are you wearing clam diggers?

How very beachcomber of you

However inappropriate, given

The fact seafood makes you spew

I HAD TO BUY TROUSER SHORTS

 

I had to buy trouser shorts

Which were easy to find

The ones with Velcro on

The detectable leg kind

Expensive though, so the term

“Rip off” comes to mind

ARE YOU WEARING PATENT LEATHER?

 

Are you wearing patent leather?

Well at least it will never weather

But I would have to say honesty

On you it looks like PVC

ARE YOU WEARING A BABY DOLL DRESS?

Are you wearing a baby doll dress?

Well I don’t want to cause any distress

But are you sure that look is alright

When you’ve got that much cellulite 

ARE YOU WEARING A MUFF?

 

Are you wearing a muff?

It’s like a big ball of fluff

Is it to keep your hands warm?

That you wear that muff?

Or is it a hiding place, for

When you’ve knicked stuff

ARE YOU WEARING WHITE SHOES?

 

Are you wearing white shoes?

I don’t know the wrongs or rights

But I’m quite sure you shouldn’t

Wear white shoes with black tights

ARE YOU WEARING SLACKS? # 2

 

Are you wearing slacks?

It’s certainly very casual attire

But not the kind of look

The fashion world desire

But fine for ordinary people

Who don’t set the world on fire

ARE YOU WEARING SLACKS? # 1

 

Are you wearing slacks?

Oh I hate to call them that

They’re only trousers really

Unless you’re a pretentious twat

ARE YOU WEARING A LITTLE BLACK DRESS?

 

Are you wearing a little black dress?

In the coco channel style to impress

Even though it’s a very classic gown

You look more like Coco the clown

I HAD A FITTING WITH MY TAILOR

 

I had a fitting with my tailor and

All the measurements were wrong

I should really have known better

After all his name is Wei Tu Long

ARE YOU WEARING SHADES?

Are you wearing shades?

Yes, they do look cool

Though not really suitable

And I would say as a rule

Wearing them in a cinema

Make’s you look a fool 

ARE YOU WEARING VELVET?

 

Are you wearing velvet?

That’s the sexiest dress yet

Do you mind if I touch?

Oh, I like that very much

I don’t think we should go out

I think without a doubt

We should definitely stay in

And then we can both sin

ARE YOU WEARING ODD SOCKS? # 3

 

Are you wearing odd socks?

Well, it’s not quirky or hipster

And I don’t think it was your intent

I think you must have dementia