HO OH

 

Everyone loves Santa

With every happy Ho Ho Ho

Even when he walks backwards

Going Oh Oh Oh

IN THE MORNING SANTA STOOD

 

In the morning Santa stood

by the window to peer

And said to Mrs Claus

“It looks like rain dear”

CHRISTMAS EVE IN THE KENNELS

 

It was Christmas Eve in the kennels

And all the canines were all agog

They all made merry all night long

Finishing by singing Fleas Navi Dog

RUDOLPH GOT AN F

 

Rudolph got an F in his exam

Which was a mystery

But after his paper was remarked

He went down in History

IF AN ELF IS WEARING EARMUFFS

 

If an Elf is wearing earmuffs

Call him anything you choose

Safe in the happy knowledge

That he can’t possibly hear you

ON CHRISTMAS EVE THE CHIMNEYS STAND

 

On Christmas Eve the chimneys stand

Waiting for Santa to go down them

And he duly obliges each one in turn

To visit every house because it soots him

MUM WAS DETERMINED

 

This year, Mum was determined, for the first time,

To have the happy time the family had lacked

So, when she was preparing the bird for the oven

She stuffed the Turkey with sage, onion and Prozac!

SANTA’S NEW TEAM

 

All of Santa’s new electric Reindeer

Were all lined up by the charger

Waiting patiently in turn to use it

As Santa and Rudolf looked on

Santa asked “Shall I tell the others

Or would you rather do it?”

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 43

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all thru the pub

The air was scented with cinnamon

From all the festive grub

From spiced Christmas Ale

Or Gluwein served from a tub

I DON’T UNDERSTAND MARKETING

 

I don’t understand marketing at all

When opportunities seem myriad

Like a sanitary products campaign

Specifically, for the Christmas period

I USED MY FIRE STICK TO ORDER A HAMPER

 

I used my Fire Stick to order a hamper

Something much admired by my wife

At the festive time of year that pleases

On arrival I found the box contained

Our infant saviour so I loudly exclaimed

“Bloody hell Alexa I said Baby Cheeses”

SANTA HAS HIS WORKSHOP

 

Santa has his workshop

Up in Lapland

But the Sleeping Reindeer

Go to napland

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 42

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all thru the City

Peoples were alone for the season

Which was such a pity

The Church was the one place

Where they never felt alone

As they were welcomed

And made to feel at home

THEY FIRST MET ON A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EVE

 

They first met on a special Christmas Eve

And chemistry sparked between the two

When passions fires were truly quenched

He asked before bidding her a fond adieu

“What are you doing on New Year’s Eve?”

She replied “oh I’m definitely doing you”

I DON’T WANT A CHRISTMAS GIFT

 

I don’t want a Christmas gift

That’s very practical

Nor a homemade present

Or something musical

Not an article for wearing

Nothing thoughtful or twee

No items for the garden

Or anything scented fragrantly

And nothing so expensive that

The value is shocking

I just want something shapely

In a Christmas stocking

TOM BAWCOCK'S EVE, (23rd December)

 

Legendary Mousehole resident Tom Bawcock

Went out to fish beneath a storm filled sky

To lift a famine from the village, and to honour him

They hold an annual festival and eat Stargazy pie

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 41

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all thru the Barn

In fact, not a creature was stirring

At all on the farm

They were bedded down warmly

In the fresh laid hay

And slept in quiet harmony

Until the breaking of the day 

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 432

Little Jack Horner

Sat in the corner,

Eating Christmas pie

As he sat on his bum

He pulled out his thumb,

And poked himself in the eye 

EATING CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS

Eating Christmas decorations

Caused something of a crisis

With a sore throat and a fever

Ending with a case of Tinselitis 

A FAMOUS CHRISTMAS STORY

 

A famous Christmas Story

Contains a well-known character

Who died eating Macaroni

He’s the Ghost of Christmas pasta