TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 40

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all thru the Mill

Nothing was stirring

As the great wheel was still

Only the fire in the hearth moved

As it kept away the chill

A BROKEN DRUM IS THE BEST

 

A broken drum is the best

Christmas gift you can get

That might come as a surprise

But you really can’t beat it

WHEN RUDOLPH HAD AN UPSET STOMACH

 

When Rudolph had an upset stomach

It was one of Santa little helpers

Who came to the sick Reindeers rescue

And gave him some Elka-seltzer

IN SANTA’S VILLAGE AT THE NORTH POLE

 

In Santa’s village at the north pole

They watch a lot of Christmas TV

Christmas movies are most popular

Watched on Yule tube obviously

WHEN HE ONLY RECEIVED BATTERIES

 

When he only received batteries

His enthusiasm was muted

But there was a handwritten note

Which read “Toys not included”

SANTA HAS TO WORK HARDER THIS YEAR

 

Santa has to work harder this year

At the North Pole I fear

Since the jackpot of Euromillions

Was one by Santa minions

CHRISTMAS EVE AT THE NORTH POLE

 

Christmas Eve at the North Pole

Under moonlit skies

Creeping around the Village

Are the Mince spies

THERE’S A MEAN FEMALE AT THE POLE

 

There’s a mean female at the Pole

Playing all the reindeer games

“Olive, the other reindeer, used

To laugh and call him names”

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 39

Twas the night before Christmas

And alone in the Croft

The owner banged his head and cussed

As he did all too oft

SANTA’S SLEIGH BROKE DOWN

Santa’s sleigh broke down

So, he stopped a passing motorist

Who offered to give him a toe

But then he was a Chiropodist 

SANTA CLAUS PASSED HIS TEST

 

Santa Claus passed his test

One fine frost filled day

Which was evidenced

By Noel plates on the sleigh

IN SANTA’S CHRISTMAS VILLAGE

In Santa’s Christmas village

What do you call a female Elf?

Well not an Elfess or Elfette

So, the name would be “a Shelf” 

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 38

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all round the Close

The Carol Singers perform

For the festive and the morose

VISITING ETHOS

 

Santa Claus definitely

Has the right idea

When he only visits

People once a year

PUZZLED AUNTY

 

Bimbette wouldn’t buy

Her niece a jigsaw

For Christmas Even though

She’d asked for it before

It was Because it was labelled

6-8 years

So not finishing it in the two week

Holiday was her fear

ARE YOU WEARING RED? # 1

 

Are you wearing red?

And standing at the foot of my bed

I hope that means you’re Santa

And not Jeremy Corbyn instead

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 37

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all along the Avenue

The Christmas lights are twinkling

For everyone to view

PREMIER INN ADVENT CALENDAR

 

I got an Advent Calendar this year

From the Hotel chain “Premier Inn”

With a chocolate behind every window

But of course, you couldn’t open them

CHRISTMAS LIGHTING CEREMONY

 

“I’m switching on the Christmas lights

In Cardiff” My Brother told me excitedly

But in typical minor celebrity fashion he added

“I didn’t even know they had electricity”

WHEN I WAS A KID @ XMAS

 

When I was a kid

On Christmas Morning

The day began

With excited howls

Of “Has he been?”

Because we didn’t get gifts

Until my Dad

Had evacuated his bowels