VISITING ETHOS

 

Santa Claus definitely

Has the right idea

When he only visits

People once a year

PUZZLED AUNTY

 

Bimbette wouldn’t buy

Her niece a jigsaw

For Christmas Even though

She’d asked for it before

It was Because it was labelled

6-8 years

So not finishing it in the two week

Holiday was her fear

ARE YOU WEARING RED? # 1

 

Are you wearing red?

And standing at the foot of my bed

I hope that means you’re Santa

And not Jeremy Corbyn instead

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 37

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all along the Avenue

The Christmas lights are twinkling

For everyone to view

PREMIER INN ADVENT CALENDAR

 

I got an Advent Calendar this year

From the Hotel chain “Premier Inn”

With a chocolate behind every window

But of course, you couldn’t open them

CHRISTMAS LIGHTING CEREMONY

 

“I’m switching on the Christmas lights

In Cardiff” My Brother told me excitedly

But in typical minor celebrity fashion he added

“I didn’t even know they had electricity”

WHEN I WAS A KID @ XMAS

 

When I was a kid

On Christmas Morning

The day began

With excited howls

Of “Has he been?”

Because we didn’t get gifts

Until my Dad

Had evacuated his bowels

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 36

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all along the street

The faithful walked to Church

Where they would meet

To celebrate the Mass and wait

For Christmas Day to greet

MY MATE IS PLANNING A TRIP TO LAPLAND

 

My mate is planning a trip to Lapland

As his kids really want to go

He would prefer elves landing on his lap

At Santa’s Village bar à gogo

MICROSOFT ADVENT CALENDAR

 

I got a Microsoft Advent Calendar

This year, but if you should open

Too many Windows, They will,

For no apparent reason all close again

I WAS PUNCHING BUTTONS ALL DAY

I was punching Buttons all day

But I got the sack though

Which was a little disappointing

Because I liked doing Panto 

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 35

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all thru the place

Not a creature was stirring

With not a sound nor a trace

The whole family were next door

Where to their utter disgrace

With the neighbours away

They were robbing the place

HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN @ XMAS

 

Her Majesty the Queen

Decorates her own Christmas Tree

And at Balmoral Castle this year

She awarded it an OBE

THE FAMILY USED TO LIVE IN LOS ANGLES

 

The family used to live in Los Angles

Until just a few year ago

But we moved to Santa Monica

Because dad is Christmas crazy

And we had to live somewhere

That begins with the word "Santa."

ADOLPH HITLER REALLY LOVED CHRISTMAS

Adolph Hitler really loved Christmas

That much Is perfectly clear

He loved the sleigh and the team

But Blitzen was his favourite reindeer? 

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 34

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all thru the caravan

Not a creature was stirring

Which wasn’t the plan

But the camp site was flooded

So that was the reason

And would be out of action

For the festive season

SANTA CLAUS IS A MAN

Santa Claus is a man, make no mistake

Because he always gets to your house late

Eats your cookie before emptying his sack

Calls you a ho before he turns his back

And then he leaves while you’re asleep

So, Santa Claus is a man, the fat arsed creep 

WHEN CHRISTMAS DAY COMES

 

When Christmas Day comes

And the wrapping paper rustles

Enjoy the day like no other, as it’s

A Brexit Christmas, ie no Brussels

SANTA PUT A CLOCK IN HIS SLEIGH

 

Santa put a clock in his sleigh

And the Elf’s asked him why

So, he explained to them

That he like to watch time fly

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 33

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all thru the Grange

Not a creature was stirring

Which seemed rather strange

As they were party animals

And needed little reason

But it turned out they’d gone

To Mauritius for the season