TRAFFIC COP – DO YOU KNOW?
“Do you know why I pulled you over?”
The cop asked me like a typical fuzz
“No officer I don’t, I hope you do,
I thinks it’s important that one of us does”
ARE YOU WEARING YOUR HAIR DIFFERENTLY?
Are you wearing your hair differently?
It’s definitely some kind of reworking
No you’re not wearing your hair differently
I can clearly see now that it’s a merkin
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 303
There was a chandler making candles
For all the convent girls to handle
Where at night the Sister would shout
Its bed time girls so candles out
MY WIFE DOESN’T GO TO THE GYM # 1
My wife doesn’t go to the gym
She doesn’t suffer from delusions
But she gets all the exercise she needs
Just from jumping to conclusions
THE TASTE UPON MY LIPS
The taste upon my lips
Of My moonlight kiss
And to taste that kiss again
Is my one and only wish
STOP THE TB CULLING
Stop the TB culling?
Not on my nadgers
Save the hedgehogs
And cull the badgers
SHOP PC
I went shopping in
PC World yesterday
You really have to
Watch what you say
FAVOURITE CAR
To find our favourite car
A survey has been done
And women have declared
That it is a red one
MY SOLICITOR SAID
My solicitor said
That he would get me
A very good Barrister
“I don’t need” I said
“Someone making coffee
Just get me a lawyer”
I AM TOTALLY UNAPPRECIATED AT WORK
I am totally unappreciated at work
I do a good job but unfortunately I fear
It’s akin to dribbling in your trousers
When you’re wearing a dark pair
You getting a comforting warm glow
But no one sees the piss patch there
DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE BOSS
Don’t worry about the boss
Finding out how little you do
Because he is the lazy shit
That’s more worried about you
OUR LONDON SCHOOL WAS AWASH
Our London school was awash
With drugs of various kinds
And it certainly wasn’t considered
A punishment to do lines
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