A Little Bit Of Humour # 22

MY UNCLE GROWS VEG

My uncle grows veg
Not for eating though
He is after prizes
At the garden show

Every waking hour
He nurtures and nurses
Mixing up solutions
As he coaxes and coerces

Enormous Marrows
Giant Asparagus
Towering Celery
And humungous fungus

THEY LACK COMMON SENSE

They lack Common sense
Their failing is immense
But in their defence
It’s the addled essence
Of their adolescence

IN THE LONDON MARATHON

In the London marathon
One of my friends ran
Dressed as a chicken
While another one ran
Dressed as an egg
I don’t know who came first

ON LIFE’S JOURNEY WE ARE ALL

On life’s journey we are all
Looking for the one
And I can safely say that I
Married the one
On a scale of one to ten
She was a one

I PICKED UP A HITCHHIKER TODAY

I picked up a hitchhiker today
I know you’re not supposed to
But as I knocked him down
It was the least I could do

I WATCHED A RIVETING DOCUMENTARY

I watched a riveting documentary
On television last night
It was all about how ships were
Put together by shipwrights

MY GIRLFRIEND SAYS SHE’S MIDDLE CLASS

My girlfriend says she’s middle class
And I laugh in her face
She’s clearly working class
Because at her dads place
They have a television
That’s bigger than their bookcase

IT SEEMS THAT PORNOGRAPHY

It seems that pornography
Is frowned upon
But I think that’s just all
The concentration

IT’S NOT THE ANGLE OF DANGLE

It’s not the angle of dangle
That’s the measure of pleasure
It’s the moments in the afterglow
That we ultimately treasure

DO YOU WANT BABY SPINACH

“Do you want Baby Spinach?
Or Water Cress Dad”
My daughter asked me
And I went completely mad
“For God’s sake just choose one
It’s not Rocket Salad”

WHERE’S THE BLOODY TORCH

“Where’s the bloody Torch?”
My wife asked angrily
“I don’t know where it is
Perhaps you could enlighten me”
“Well not without the Torch”
I replied curtly

MY GIRLFRIEND SAYS SHE’S WORKING CLASS

My girlfriend says she’s working class
And I just have to laugh
As not one of them as far as I can see
Has ever worked in her family