A Little Bit Of Humour # 23

IT WAS AT SOUTHWAITE SERVICES

It was at Southwaite services
Where I stopped though in a rush
And experienced for the first time
The disconcerting autoflush

I’m sure it’s quite an innovation
But it doesn’t work for me
When auto flush sprinkled my
Undercarriage Mid delivery

THE LAST OF THE SUMMER WHINE

No sooner had the stumps been pulled
Then the Vintage Aussie Whine was served
Made from their abundant sour grapes
It was to toast an English victory well deserved

DURING A PASSWORD AUDIT

During a password audit by the IT crowd,
They discovered something quite absurd
A young woman by the name of Bimbette
Who was using the following password
PughPughBarneyMcGrewCuthbertDibbleGrubb
And was told such a password was wrong
But Bimbette explained that she was told
Her password must be six characters long

WE HAD SEPARATE HOLIDAYS

We had separate holidays,
Because we thought
Absence would make
The heart grow fonder
But when we returned
To our home afterwards
We both wished
We’d stayed away for longer

I’M NOT SURE IF INDEED IT’S ME

I’m not sure if indeed it’s me
Or maybe its intentional irony
But you can hear the approach
Of the daily “Roach Coach”
The chime being the announcer
As it plays La Cucaracha

I HATE THE ONE PENCE PIECES

I hate the one pence pieces
5p’s and tuppence’s
I suppose you think it strange
But I simply don’t like change

AS WE APPROACHED THE AIRPORT

As we approached the airport
The warning light went on
And I had to return the stewardess
To the upright position

MY NEW GIRLFRIEND IS FROM GLASGOW

My new girlfriend is from Glasgow
And when I met her Father and Mother
I found they were incredibly posh,
They served deep fried Ferrero Rocher

HAS ANYONE EVER SAID TO YOU?

Has anyone ever said to you?
“Try and walk in someone else’s shoes”
Well I find that for me the concept is
Quite problematic to my views
After all it would have to depend
Greatly on exactly whose shoes

TRAFFIC COP – HOLD IT

When the police pulled me over
The reason wasn’t exactly clear
It could have been the speeding
That caused the police to appear
Or running several red lights
Or my complete inability to steer
Any of the above would have done it
Of that I am perfectly clear
But what I said to the officer
Was what really swung it I fear
“I can easily reach my license
If you would hold my beer”

ARE YOU WEARING A LOOK OF SATISFACTION?

Are you wearing a look of satisfaction?
Well that blush is a tell-tale sight
You have clearly been indulging
In a spot of afternoon delight

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 304

There was a Ship sailed away to Spain
All the way there it was lashed with rain
And when they arrived at last in Spain
Where the rain didn’t fall in the main
As Higgins suggested on the plain