A Little Bit Of Humour # 19

I’M THINKING ABOUT TAKING A HOLIDAY # 5

I’m thinking about taking a holiday
But I don’t know where to go
What if I end up in Capable
I find that that’s often where I go

WHEN I LAND A REAL PRIZE WINNING FISH

When I land a real prize winning fish
It’s like meeting a bird that’s really fit
I am filled with the same indecision
I don’t know whether to eat it or mount it

OUR SCARECROW WON FIRST PRIZE

Our scarecrow won first prize
When the winner was revealed
The judges at the county show
Thought it outstanding in its field

A FOREST FIRE CAN START

A forest fire can easily start
With a match you carelessly threw
Yet it can take a whole box
To light your BBQ

PICKUP # 5

When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
“Do you believe in love at first sight?”
You might try to ascertain
And then you could continue
“Or should I walk by again?”

THE CARPENTERS

My wife said to me
Let’s play carpenter’s
So we got hammered
Then I'll nail her

I WENT TO MY VEG PLOT TO CHECK

I went to my veg plot to check
On my tender little darlings
And heartbreakingly I found
Decimation of my seedlings

The perpetrators are self-evident
By the tell-tale slimy slug ooze
And I could tell they had help
Due to the clearly visible Snail trail

RACING THROUGH ON THE GREEN

Racing through on the green
Breaking hard on the red
Foot dallying on the amber
Before belting across instead

I WANTED TO DONATE SPERM

I wanted to donate sperm
But there was a difficulty
I couldn’t perform
As the surroundings were iffy
Then I found you could do it by post
And I came in a jiffy

I PICKED UP A GIRL AND WENT BACK TO HERS

I picked up a girl and went back to hers
But I was struck by impotency
She was very understanding and said
“That used to happen to me”

WHEN ALBERT EINSTEIN

When Albert Einstein
Tugged on his penis
It was widely regarded
As a stroke of genius

YOU’LL NEVER GUESS I BET

You’ll never guess I bet
What it is that you get
If you cross the Atlantic
With the RMS Titanic?
Do you give in? Can I say?
Ok then “About half way”