MY FAVOURITE THINGS AT XMAS # 4
The reindeer that fly like the birds on the wing
Santa Claus commanding with his gifts to bring
Joy bringing Carollers with songs to sing
These are a few of my favourite things
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 191
Christmas is coming,
The stores are getting fat
But no one has put a penny
In this old mans hat;
There’s not a single penny,
Or a ha'penny to be seen,
I hate Christmas shoppers
They’re so bloody mean
CHRISTMAS DREAM # 4
I dream of Christmas
Warming us from winters chill
When hearts are overflowing
With seasonal good will
A CAROL FOR THE 21ST CENTURY – RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose,
And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows,
All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names,
They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.
(Now I don’t want you to think it was because he was a freak
The simple truth is Rudolph was a really anti social little bastard)
IF DECEMBER ICE
If December ice will bear a duck
Thereafter will be slush and muck
But grab the duck off the ice
And Christmas lunch be very nice
CANDLELIGHT
Across the distant lonely miles
There stands my love
With comrades brave
Who stands beneath a Christmas sky
Singing carols just as I
Familiar carols
And sentiments we share.
Of course it’s Christmas,
That makes me wish you near
And makes me wipe away a tear
I pray to God to keep you safe
To wrap you in his loving light
Now the bells of Christmas fill the air
And I think of my love standing there
Underneath the Christmas sky.
In the church I keep a candle lit
That will burn while we’re apart
And my undying love for him
Will keep burning in my heart
GIRL POWER
All of the reindeer
Pulling Santa’s sleigh
Are adorned with antlers
As they make their way
Well, only female reindeer
On the Christmas flight
Still retain their antlers
By Christmas night
So the whole team are girls
Is that really shocking?
An all female team?
Carrying gifts for every stocking
Who else could be trusted?
To circumnavigate the globe
In only one night
Not the guy in the red robe
But the overweight old man
With no dress sense
Who is too lazy to shave
Gets thanked for the presents
And do we get any recognition
For delivering the toys
No we don’t get a mention
And everyone thinks that we are boys
CHRISTMAS RECIPE
Why can we not bottle its essence?
The Christmas recipe,
That heady concoction
That special combination
Light of heart,
Quick of step
A song on the lips
A symphony in the heart
Externally warmed by the fireside
Internally warmed by mulled wine
Generosity of spirit
Jollity and laughter
Its crisp cold winter days
And frosty starry nights
Evergreens and mistletoe
The smells of a Christmas kitchen
Infused with cinnamon and ginger
It’s over indulgence
It’s thinking of others
Absent friends
Far away loved ones
It’s sharing and caring
It’s loving thy neighbour
Its compassion
Its children laughing
Its mothers sighing
It’s the Christmas recipe
Why can we not bottle its essence
So that at times when are souls are troubled
Or our hearts are heavy
At moments when the darkness has descended
We could unscrew the cap
And breathe deeply of its heady brew
And be once more refreshed
CHRISTMAS GIFTS – HIS AND HERS
I got a book for Christmas
“101 sexual positions”
I got it from my brother
My wife also received a book
“102 handy excuses”
A present from her mother
CHRISTMAS ESSENCE
You are my Christmas essence
My yuletide effervescence
You breathe life into me
Oh how you appeal to me
Dressed in your Christmas tights
And the Santa sweater that fits just right
Oh you naughty little Christmas flirt
Wearing your short red Christmas skirt
You are the spirit of my season
You are the rhyme and the reason
But as you spread your Christmas joy
Pleasing every girl and boy
There is something you don’t know
I feel stirrings down below
Because when your sleigh bells jingle
It makes all my senses tingle
Because you so excite me
How I want you to delight me
You are my Christmas dish
You are my every Christmas wish
Every year I make this plea
To let me unwrap you beneath the tree
But again you are not among my presents
But you will remain my Christmas essence
CHRISTMAS WISHES JUST FOR YOU
Christmas wishes just for you
Sent with love, tried and true
I send you love, I send you cheer,
I just wish we weren’t apart this year
COLD CHRISTMAS
I can’t believe you did it
How typically bold
Dumping me at Christmas
How awfully cold
Still on the bright side
I won’t have to strain and heave
Rushing to find a gift
For you on Christmas Eve
I won’t spend the season
Living like a monk
I’ll be very merry
If not drunk as a skunk
But I can’t believe you did it
It’s a really shitty thing to do
Dumping me at Christmas
How typical of you
It’s probably for the best
So I won’t shed a tear
Have a merry Christmas
And a really shit New Year
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