WHENEVER I DO ANY DECORATING

 

Whenever I do any decorating

I always choose my stepladder

And the simple reason for that is

I don't get on with my real ladder

I AM NOT HANDY ABOUT THE HOUSE

 

I am not handy about the house

Or with the “Do It Yourself” game

And when a book falls on my head

I've only got my shelf to blame

GSI NOT DIY

 

I don’t do plumbing

Carpentry or electrics

I don’t mess with tiling

Bricklaying or mechanics

I suppose I could be described

As a handy man, in a way

As I live on the premises

And can be there the same day

But that isn’t really handy

If I’m being fair

As I’m actually bloody useless

When I get there

So I don’t do DIY

I’m just not that guy

But I do, do GSI

I’m a “Get Someone In” kind of guy

WORKMATE

 

When I do the decorating

I always use my stepladder

And the reason for that is

I don't get on with my real ladder

IT’S NOT MY AISLE

 

I went to the DIY Centre the other day

Not as good as the Old hardware shop

I was looking for some super glue

Having searched in vain I decided to stop

I asked a young lad if he could help

But in truth he wasn’t much cop

A callow youth, gormless and spotty

And still waiting for his balls to drop

PLUMBING TIPS

Plumbing holds no secrets

If you follow these tips

Male always fits into female

Even the new push fits

To do it up or turn it on

Righty, Tighty is the way

And to undo or turn off

Its lefty Loosie. OK?

GSI NOT DIY

I don’t do plumbing
Carpentry or electrics
I don’t mess with tiling
Bricklaying or mechanics
I suppose I could be described
As a handy man, in a way
As I live on the premises
And can be there the same day
But that isn’t really handy
If I’m being fair
As I’m actually bloody useless
When I get there
So I don’t do DIY
I’m just not that guy
But I do, do GSI
I’m a “Get Someone In” kind of guy