ST PATRICK'S DAY PICK UP # 1
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
“Do you have any Irish in you?”
Ask her, on St Patrick's Day
And if she answers yes, reply
“You can have some more today”
FOGHORN LEGHORN WENT TO TOWN
Foghorn Leghorn went to town
On the bus with the other day trippers
But not to sight see, he went to KFC
Because of the chicken strippers
THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT
The only good thing about
The advent of another Wimbledon
Is that it means you’re two weeks
Closer to football season
PICKUP # 15
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
During a night out
Just say to any girl you meet
"Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone
Said you were looking for me”
THE PRESIDENT OF CHESS CLUB # 1
The president of Chess Club
Was rushed into moving his pawn
When he heard his mum planned
To search his bedroom at dawn
IN THE BURNS NIGHT RAFFLE
In the Burns Night Raffle, first prize
Was very highly sought after
For it allowed the winner to pass
On the haggis at the Burns Night Supper
MY HUSBAND MAKES LOVE TO ME
“My husband makes love to me
Like an Olympic athlete, honestly”
She boasted to her peers
“So it’s once every four year”
SOMETIMES I THINK I’LL BE A MALE STRIPPER
Sometimes I think I’ll be a male stripper
Be bold and take a chance
But then I remember I’m really fat
And I can’t actually dance
THE RUSSIAN AIRFORCE ARE FIRING
The Russian Airforce are firing
Amazon missiles at Syria
They are so called as they keep
Being left with a neighbour
ARE YOU WEARING BEER GOGGLES?
Are you wearing beer goggles?
That’s a definite I reckon
Because I look like Iain Dowie
But you see David Beckham
MY SON WAS A MASTER EASTER EGG HUNTER
My son was a master Easter Egg Hunter
From the time he was a few years old
And had it become an Olympic event,
He would have easily have won the Gold
ONE DAY IN A FAR MORE CARING WORLD
One day in a far more caring world
Every chicken that ever lives
Will be able to cross the road without
Being judged on their motives
EVERY CHILD WILL AT SOME TIME
Every child will at some time
Threaten to run away
And that hope keeps parents
Going day to day
SHE WENT TO THE DOCTORS WITH A LETTUCE LEAF
She went to the doctors with a lettuce leaf
Poking out of her knickers which was quite absurd
And it looked a really nasty sight in truth
But it turned out to be just the tip of the iceberg
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