ARE YOU WEARING WINGS?
Are you wearing wings?
And what are those other things?
A stick? And scales of justice?
Oh crikey are you my Nemesis
ARE YOU WEARING A CROWN?
Are you wearing a crown?
Oh Charles please put it down
Wearing it doesn’t mean a thing
You know you will never be King
ARE YOU WEARING THE BOSS’S HAT?
Are you wearing the boss’s hat?
I laugh when you call me that
And based on what I spend on kebabs
Either on my own or with the lads
It all adds up to a fair amount of money
Calling me boss is too true to be funny
ARE YOU WEARING SENSIBLE FOOTWEAR?
Are you wearing Sensible Footwear?
They are a kind of stout boot
And with your skinny legs
I think you look rather cute
FAST FOOD DRIVE THROUGH’S
Fast food Drive through’s
I’m afraid, are a step too far
And I find them quite expensive
By the time you’ve hired a car
DON’T PICK UP HITCHHIKERS
“Don’t pick up hitchhikers”
I was told “don’t do it ever”
Unless of course it was you
Who actually ran them over
IT WAS DURING A CHESS GAME
It was during a Chess game
That I remember him saying
“Let’s make this more interesting”
So we agreed to stop playing
IT’S NOT REALLY ANY COMFORT
It’s not really any comfort
If someone dies while doing
Something that they loved
When they were doing Heroin
AFTER TEN YEARS OF MARRIAGE
After ten years of marriage
I am divorced by choice
Regrettably I have to say
That it wasn’t my choice
HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU HEARD IT SAID?
How often have you heard it said?
“I am taking it one day at a time”
Well no shit Sherlock don’t we all
That is after all the nature of time
THE MAN GOES ON TOP AND THE WOMAN UNDERNEATH
“The man goes on top and the woman underneath”
That was my sex education as my mother said
So as we were very naïve back then, so for the first
Three years of marriage we slept in bunk beds
WHAT IS THE POINT FOR WOMAN
What is the point for woman of a certain age
Wearing a see through negligee
When all the men of her acquaintance aren’t able
To see through it anyway
I’M DATING A SKINNY PAIR OF TWINS
I’m dating a pair of skinny twins
They’re little more than skin and bone
And they are anorexic, it’s rather like
A case of two birds and one stone