ARE YOU WEARING A BAGGY SWEATER?
Are you wearing a baggy sweater?
For a particular reason maybe
You haven’t suddenly become a frump
So you must be having a baby
ARE YOU WEARING BEIGE?
Are you wearing beige?
For one reason or another
But please don’t be telling me
That it’s your favourite colour
ARE YOU WEARING MUSK?
Are you wearing musk?
Well someone is me thinks
And I know that it’s not me
But God it really stinks
ARE YOU WEARING FALSIES?
Are you wearing falsies?
How disappointing is that
I thought you were well proportioned
But your chest is really flat
I thought you were a catch
But I was wrong about that
I thought I was getting mackerel
But I ended up with sprat
ARE YOU WEARING FISHNET TIGHTS?
Are you wearing fishnet tights?
That’s not a bad catch, I’ll bet
There’s a sight worth seeing
When you bend over Jeanette
That must be like the moment
The football hits the back of the net
ARE YOU WEARING A SCOWL?
Are you wearing a scowl?
Or is it your irritable bowel
No it’s an irritable scowl
Because I left my wet towel
ARE YOU WEARING LIPSTICK?
Are you wearing lipstick?
Well to avoid looking like a dipstick
You might want to adjust it a bit
Maybe you could tone it down
Before you go off to town
You don’t want to look like a clown
ARE YOU WEARING A FROWN?
Are you wearing a frown?
Is something getting you down?
It’s something I’ve done?
A broken rule? What another one?
Oh now what is that look about?
I’ve done it now, no doubt
Now your arms are folded
I’m about to get scolded
No I don’t have a clue
What I’ve done to upset you
If you don’t tell me I’ll never guess
The reason for your distress
So spit it out nice and plain
To avoid having to say it again
Ok so the reason for the frown
Is I didn’t put the loo seat down
ARE YOU WEARING MAKE UP?
Are you wearing make up?
You don’t usually wear a scrap
Well you look prettier than ever
Are you going to meet a chap?
You’re not meeting a beau?
What no one has set their cap?
But there is someone you like
Someone you’d like to entrap
Well whoever he might be
He is definitely a lucky chap
Too be caught by one as lovely as you
In sweet loves tender trap
My you have a glint in your eye
Why are you climbing on my lap?
What are you doing to my ear?
Should we just slow down perhaps
It’s hard to concentrate when you do that
So please let me just recap
Am I right in assuming by your behaviour?
That I’m the lucky chap
ARE YOU WEARING RUNNING CLOTHES?
Are you wearing running clothes?
What on earth are you thinking?
You are in no shape for running
What have you been drinking?
I wasn’t born yesterday you know
You’ve had more than a tipple
You’ll be sorry I can tell you
When you end up with jogger’s nipple