“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,
Just like
the ones I used to know”
But if I
should run out of the white
I will
gladly drink the red though
Friday, 2 December 2022
I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS # 1
NEW FOR CHRISTMAS
There is to be a new sanitary product
That is set
to make cash registers ring
A new
tampon in the shops by Christmas
That comes
complete with a tinsel string
The
retailers are extremely confident
And believe
that sales will be myriad
But they
have been at pains to stress
WHILE SHEPHERDS WATCHED - SAFELY
While shepherds watched their flocks by night
All seated on the ground,
An
inspector from the HSE came down
And he
quickly wore a frown
DASHING THROUGH THE SNOW
Dashing through the snow
On a one-horse open sleigh,
Over fields we go
Laughing
all the way
Then the
reins do snap,
We weren’t
expecting that
Now we
laugh no more
As we hit a
tree so fat
Oh,
ambulance bells, ambulance bells
Sirens all
the way
They
dragged us from the wreck
Of a one-horse
open sleigh
Oh,
ambulance bells, ambulance bells
Sirens all
the way
Oh, what
fun it’s NOT to ride
GIRL POWER
All of the reindeer
Pulling
Santa’s sleigh
Are adorned
with antlers
As they
make their way
Well, only
female reindeer
On the
Christmas flight
Still
retain their antlers
By
Christmas night
So, the
whole team are girls
Is that
really shocking?
An all-female
team?
Carrying
gifts for every stocking
Who else could
be trusted?
To
circumnavigate the globe
In only one
night
Not the guy
in the red robe
But the
overweight old man
With no
dress sense
Who is too
lazy to shave
Gets
thanked for the presents
And do we
get any recognition
For
delivering the toys
No, we don’t
get a mention
And
everyone thinks that we are boys
Thursday, 1 December 2022
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 82
Christmas is coming the geese are getting fat
Pick me out
the fattest one and we’ll have that
It needs to
be a big one for our Christmas feast
In fact
just give us the one that’s clinically obese
ARE YOU WEARING GREEN VELVET?
Are you wearing green velvet?
That’s
really nice to see
And so,
fitting for the season
It makes me
feel so Christmassy
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