We spend the day
Eating more than we
should
Turkey and trimmings
And rich Christmas pud
Mince pies and cream
Great petite fours
Pretzels and nuts
Wines and liqueurs
Cookies and marzipan
Chocolate Yule log
Rich Christmas cake
And creamy eggnog
Chocolate Orange
Chocolate Brazil’s
Hot Bombay mix
Twiglets and Pringles
Sweet, candied fruits
Sugar coated almonds
Cold turkey sandwich,
Till I’m suitably
rotund
Against my better judgement
I took my young son to
the store
And we queued up for
an hour
So, he could see Santa
Claus
The grotto was cheap
and nasty
It was a terrible site
to behold
I thought the whole
thing a rip off
And my son thought he
was too old
Santa’s little helper
was pregnant
The head Elf was high
as a kite
But I thought if we
stayed in line
Everything would turn
out alright
Well, he climbed onto
Santa’s lap
To tell him his
Christmas wish
But Santa smelled of
whisky
And his trousers
smelled of piss
It was about making
memories
Well, according to my
wife
But instead of a
memorable visit
I think we scarred him
for life
I bought a bumper selection
Of Christmas cards
today
One hundred assorted
cards
A real bargain I would
say
But not a shepherd or
angel
Nor a stable, a star
or a king
Not a holy word of
praise
No Jesus, no God not a
thing
I told my wife of my disgust
She said not to make a
fuss
But they had managed
to take
Christ out of
Christmas
If wishes were horses
Then beggars would
ride,
But they’re not
So, get off my pony
Are you wearing plaits?
Seriously though are
you
You’re going to wear
plaits
To the annual
Christmas do
And dressed as a milk
maid
Perhaps Scandinavian
born
You look like you’re
dressed
For 1970s porn
The etiquette for Christmas cards
Is simple, you just
have to remember
If you can’t get it
there for the day
Make sure it still
arrives in December
The magic of Christmas time
Is all the good will
it brings
But sadly, it gets
packed away
With the other
Christmas things
