I don’t have a favourite;
I love each and every one
Whether happy or sad
Cheerful or glum
I love TaTa Tara
And poor Dorr
Trim Miriam
And say more Gaynor
I love stiff Steph
And better Greta
Madeira Vera
And skeleta Nicolleta
I love Pizzeria Pia
And green Jean
World Wide Web Deb
And Chlorine Maureen
There stood I, naked, in phallic splendour
Ready to give service
roughly or tender
Suitably aroused for a
service to render
“I have a special
delivery here for Brenda”
And she marked it cruelly
“Return to sender”
We must pay her now
A King’s ransom
A sum in the millions
So quite handsome
And for what exactly
Sacking her unfairly?
Or more accurately
For sacking her too
early
She’ll take the money
Without a thought for
Peter
For shameless Shazza
Thinks she’s the victim
My poems have been called
On a good day, ribald
More often
artistically bald
Humourous? So-called
Wit to scathe and
scald
Tastelessness unrivalled
Not written but
scrawled
Or just plain tired
and auld
But I say with joy
untold
Prepare again to be
appalled
I see birds in herds
Freaks with beaks
Tykes on bikes
Mancs in tanks
Bowsers in trousers
Paedo’s in speedos
Perverts in skirts
Streakers in sneakers
Coppers in toppers
Scouses in blouses
Weirdo’s in hairdos
And I ask myself
What was in that roll up?
When I was in my teens
I was regarded as
unusual
Due to the rapid speed
I was extending in the
vertical
But that was long ago
And my height now is
more usual
But some unseen force
is at work
And I’m growing
horizontal
